Angel

Chapter 54

Mattie

"So Emilio told me some of what you've been experiencing, Mattie. What do you want me to know about this," Sean asked, lifting my wrists.

I gave a heartless laugh, "I'm a failure, a traitor to those who loved me, a pathetic excuse for a mother, and now I'm carrying the child of the man who kidnapped me." Sean's eyes widened, "What Sean, did you expect me to deny my abysmal circumstances? I mean it hasn't all been bad. At some point, Emilio became a truly loving husband, but what does that say about me? I gave up, I quit fighting. Instead, I embraced my birthright. I fucking slit Trish's throat and if given the chance I'll do the same to my own grandmother for the things she's done."

Sean made a shocked sound, "Why on earth would you think you're a failure? Mattie, you are strong. You have made the best of a horrible situation and managed to find a semblance of peace. The first thing I want you to do is just take a breath."

He held my hands and took a deep breath. I rolled my eyes but mimicked his breathing. By the second breath, a sob broke loose, and just like Owen, he simply held me as I cried. "Do they hate me, does Violet hate me?" I asked in a hoarse voice.

"No sweetie, they don't hate you. None of us do. We understand you are just trying to keep everyone safe and survive," he said, brushing my hair back. "They love you and that isn't going to change."

"But they can't. They just can't, Sean. I'm never going to leave here. Hell, even if I wasn't pregnant, and Emilio let me leave, my own family would demand I stay. I'm so far into the cartel now, that I can't escape." My body shook as I began to panic. "You all need to just stay away from me. Fuck, tell Violet I'm dead. At least then she can grieve and move forward."

"Don't ever say that again," Sean growled. "I will not lie to my niece and you don't get a simple way out either. Yes, this entire situation is messy. Even more so now that you are pregnant and obviously feel something for Emilio, but it isn't hopeless. I just need you to be patient. I need you to deal with your trauma and get healthy, Mattie." He lifted my chin, "You have a child inside there that is counting on their mama to keep them healthy. This stress can harm them. Owen and I are here as long as you need us."

I wanted to argue, to tell him to leave, but the truth was, I needed them here. It was selfish, but I needed someone who understood. "I'll try," I said finally.

"Okay, then the first thing we are going to do is get together with Dr. Ortega and do a full pregnancy workup. We will be meeting daily. You don't have to dive deep, just let everything out that you want. I would also suggest a journal if you think it will be kept private. Writing down your thoughts can help you process them and sometimes the physical action helps to release recurring thoughts." He took out a small notebook that had rabbits on it. I instantly choked with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. "Yeah, Raven picked it out," he laughed.

I took the journal, my hands running over the designs. I could just picture him standing in the store looking through notebooks until he found this one. I pressed it to my nose and sure enough, it smelled like him with just a hint of gunpowder. "I miss them so much," I squeaked.

"They miss you too, Mattie," he said. "I mean it, no one judges you for what you've done up to now, and no one will judge you."

Corey

Victor and I had stayed up all night rerouting the listening devices in Sean and Owen's rooms. It was actually a great thing. Not only could we control what the cartel heard, but it gave us a way to listen to them as well. I pinged a message to Owen's phone and they quickly called.

"It's all secure now," I told him.

"Good. I'll put you on speaker. Sean needs to update everyone. Please make sure Violet is not in the room," he said. That made me nervous.

"She's already in bed," I told him as everyone crammed around the table. "We're all here now."

Sean's voice came onto the phone. "First, I want you to know she misses all of you, but she's not okay guys. She tried to kill herself."

I felt like I was going to be sick, then felt Raven's arms encircle me as he cried. Axle, Brandon, and Marc also clung to one another while the Blackbourne men looked shocked.

"What do we do?" I finally said in a weak voice.

"Owen and I will stay however long we need to. It may be quite a while." Sean hesitated, "There's more. She's pregnant."

"Shit," Marc swore. "What did she say about the pregnancy, about Emilio?"

I heard him let out a breath, "It would be easier if I lied to you guys, but the man loves her. He blames himself for her breakdown. He fully admitted everything horrible he'd done and so did she, but at some point, their relationship changed. I don't know if it was her coming to terms with her family lineage and realizing she would have ended up in the life had her grandmother not abducted her and Violet, or something else, but this isn't a sham marriage. Hell, that's part of the reason she's so tormented. She feels guilty and like she failed all of you, failed Violet."

"Victor, what did you say to Tori?" Owen asked. "She said something about you being right about her being a horrible mother."

"You said what!" I roared and lunged at him. Silas and North jumped in front of him as Raven grabbed me. "How dare you tell her that! Who the fuck do you think you are? I thought you were my friend."

"Corey, that's not what I meant," he pleaded. "When Tori told us she wanted us to leave and everyone to forget her, I snapped. I asked how she could ignore the fact that her daughter missed her and cried for her. I never imagined Tori would tell her that, especially when she clarified why Mattie was staying."

"Well it obviously made a damn impact," Marc growled, "She fucking tried to kill herself, Victor. I hope you're happy with your smug self."

"Marc, Corey, stop," Sean snapped. "While I'm sure Victor's words hurt her, I think it was more the combination of seeing the guys and her own ongoing guilt that pushed her over. What I am about to say was told in confidence and she has given me permission to relay it, so keep your damn tempers in check. The night of the Gala was the first time she admitted she has feelings for Emilio. Just before Kota and Victor arrived, she confessed her love for him. She thinks that combined with the ongoing narrative she's been playing in her head spiraled her."

"She convinced herself you all hated her for marrying him, killing Trish, and giving up. She thinks she's a failure and knows there is no way she's ever leaving Mexico," Owen added.

"I'm not leaving her alone," Marc said firmly. He briefly exchanged a silent conversation with all of us and we nodded. "Sean, I need you to keep me apprised of her condition. When you think she is strong enough, I think it's time I paid my big brother a visit. We don't expect any of you to follow up or do anything else, but we had already considered that our options were limited."

"Are you suggesting trying to work out a poly relationship with your brother?" Owen asked.

"Yes, I am. If he really loves her, then he'll see that this would actually benefit all of us. She would be able to have a life there, and Violet can be part of her new life as well as us," he said.

I felt Raven kiss the top of my head. "It will be okay, malen'koye solnyshko," he whispered. "I know it isn't what we planned, but we will find a way to make this work." The rest of the conversation fell into the background as I looked up into his eyes. "I love you."

I cupped his chin, "I love you too, Raven." Our lips met and he pulled me against him. I could feel his heart hammering in his chest, the tempo matching my own. When our kiss broke, I looked at Victor briefly. I simply nodded my head, then Raven and I headed toward our bedroom. The others could sort the details. For now, I only needed him to hold me.  

Author's Notes:  Any thoughts?  You're all awfully quiet on this story...