Asher the Insane

77 - The Queen's Journey Part 09 - The Emperor's Lament

The emperor sat in the dark inside his chamber. It was filthy and cold.

No one was to enter his chambers, whether he was there or not, per his instruction. If someone else who wasn't him were to enter, they were to be executed.

It has been like this for more than ten years.

Nevertheless, today something unusual occurred.

Someone entered without knocking or requesting permission.

It struck Emperor Chongbaini as odd, even outright rude. Given that he was the emperor, they should have asked to enter.

And if it was a stranger, then they ought to introduce themselves before entering, right?

When the door opened, a figure was visible, though it was difficult to tell who it was in the darkness as no candles were lit.

Chongbaini thought that this was a person he recognized, but it couldn't have been her. She had been dead for decades, but this woman looked eerily like her.

Pale skin and dark hair with soft features, large eyes, full lips, and fuzzy little eyebrows.

"Henhao? My treasure, oh, my very heart," he said, sounding sad but with a strange happiness behind it.

He embraced the silent figure. She didn't resist and in a sad tone, he told her, "I've made mistakes, terrible mistakes. The Empire is at ruin and I cannot purge the evil all alone. And our daughter," he began to cry, "I've been a pathetic excuse for a parent, no, I haven't been a father at all," he sobbed, "and our daughter. I have no idea where she is or even whether she's still alive. Well, now that you're gone, my heart and mind are also gone.

I- I cannot focus at all, like my consciousness was shattered, but when you're with me, I can see clearly through the fog and see the terrible things I've done. If you could see me now, how disappointed you would have been, you would have hated me. I am not the same man you loved and my current self is far from worthy of being loved by someone as pure as you had been.

Why aren't you with me? We might have been so happy together, but without you, nothing is worthwhile... not even her. Our own daughter, yours and mine, but why do I not feel any love? If she were with me right now, what would I do? Jump in joy or explode in fury or just not feel anything at all, just as I was the years after your death? What would she do? How would she react? Most certainly, she would hate me, hate her own father.

She doesn't know you at all. There is no justice in this world. You were so beautiful and kind-hearted, not to mention your sharp mind. I hope she hasn't inherited my traits, I am witless, just a fool and I am weak, in spirit, mind, and body," He chuckled bitterly, "I have always failed in everything; I have earned nothing in this life, not even the position I find myself in. Not once have I been a free agent in my own life."

His fingers clawed into her shoulders, "it's all her fault! I should have called her Bei, sorrow, instead of Ai, love. Everything in her life brought me hate. Hate for myself, for even you, and especially her.

She was the one who stole you away from me; if only she hadn't, then-" he stammered with rage, "then none of this would happen; nothing would be as it were, neither the empire would be in this state nor my own being. She took our future, our chance of a happy family, and the very health of Alaran. She's the reason the country has gone down the gutter without anyone to stop it. The degenerates of the court, the corrupt royals, they all are at fault too. Nobody, not even one of them, stood in the way of its decay- Something has to be done, something...

But what can be done?" He let her go and collapsed to the ground, sobbing into the decorated carpet, "I heard that I let her be hunted. My own daughter, how could I do that? As if she were an animal.

I shall be gone once again once this fleeting period of clarity passes, without anything left that once defined who I am."

He crawled over and pulled on her dress as a lost child would do, "Please, please, before you go, tell me what to do."

"Father, you are not well. If I had realized how ill you were... You are so skinny," she took his hand in her own, "the castle has been taken, and most of the royal grounds are now under our control. There is no one left in the castle who is unwanted except for you. All the guards, all the royals have been either killed or taken prisoner. I'm truly sorry, but I don't believe they will let you go amicably.

He looked at her with glazed-over eyes, "I welcome it. At least I will be with her after all this time."

Completely disregarding his daughter, he stood up, walked over to his nightstand, and drew a knife, "I'm sorry. I could have been better."

He plunged it into his chest.