𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐞

𝟎𝟏| 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒

Hey... thanks for being here😉

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫- 𝐋𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐘𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐓𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐫

•𝐄𝐝𝐞𝐧-𝐈𝐯𝐞𝐫•

Over the last year, I've constantly felt the need to stay awake into the night, feeling like something was waiting for me. But I've never been able, something in the back of my mind has held me from venturing into the night past twelve. Just like I feel constantly watched from the shadows that litter my bedroom and like someone is looking back at me through my vanity mirror. Never elsewhere, though.

When I pleasure myself in the portion of the night I'm able to stay up during, I feel warmth all over my body, like hands drawing against my skin. A constant pattern of four hands. It's odd and unsettling how apparent they are grabbing at me sensually. The delusions have gotten progressively worse. They started small. A whisper every now and again.

Not to mention, my attachment to my bedroom runs deep, there's just something about it that makes it seem like I can't ever leave. There's nothing special about it. Walls covered in posters, shelves of books, baskets of clothes, old worn in bed that gives me back aches. But when I'm in it, the presence I crave throughout the day I'm gone; fills my heart and it's as if I can breathe again. I'm going insane.

The one time my room felt cold, was when Kevin from school came over and kissed me. From the moment he walked inside, my heart started beating in a way that was similar to a panic attack rather than the ideal butterflies, but I pushed past it, letting him touch my books, my guitar, me. And it was the moment his hand gripped my thigh as he leaned over kissing me that two things happened. One, I knew in my mind, two sets of hands were better than one. And two... he needed to go. The temperature lowered to the point of ice crawling up my body. Kevin didn't seem to notice the bone chilling temperature, and I hastily asked him to leave. Using the excuse that I was beginning to feel too sick to let him deflower me further. He was incredibly reluctant to leave, promising to not be upset if I ended up throwing up on him mid make out session. Though, I think he was pretty convinced to leave when my lamps started to flicker and guitar made noise on its own.

Since then, it's as if an imaginary force field has been put around my room. No one but me comes in or out. It's become, in a sense, sacred.

Every night that I've sat in my bed crying, feeling ill, or damaging my body with the razor I stole from my physics class; a blanket of warmth seems to be thrown around me. Imitating the feeling of two sets of arms encasing me in loving heat. Every time I go to bed with raw, burning, red arms, I wake up the next day completely healed. As if it never even happened. I've begun to be concerned about my mental wellbeing. Anytime I've brought it up to my therapist, she looks at me with a vail worry but covers it with a fake reassuring smile. Telling me it's just my brains way of helping me overcome trauma, anxiety, and depression. I think it's much more than that. I theorize that my brain is deteriorating from some unknown disease and that's why I get faux sensations of two bodies hugging me at night. But tonight has been the worst night in a long time and it seems as if not even the entities I've been hallucinating for the last year can help me.