Bitter & Sweet

5. Only A Text Away

Two days earlier...

The only thing that got me through last night was talking with Teo.
All night we talked about whatever would come to mind. Our favorite artists, favorite tv shows, you name it. We also talked about how much we hated this town.

When I go downstairs, ready to leave for school I notice two plates on the dining table.
My mom never makes us breakfast, which means it's for someone else—
"Morning El. Are you leaving for school?"
Anthony fucking Hill.

I fully ignore him and turn my head towards my mom.
"Mom, why is he still here?" This must be one of the universe's sick jokes.
"Eleanor we will discuss this tonight okay? Weren't you leaving for school—"
"Don't worry I'll get out of your hair." I walk out the front door and hear my mom say "you know that not how I meant it—" behind me as I close the door with a thud.

Carl's car appears in front of me a few moments later, so I settle in the passenger's seat as we drive off to school.

"So what happened last night?" Carl asks me, keeping his eyes fixated on the road.
I swallow the lump down my throat before speaking.
"Antony's back."
"What?!" Carl almost drives through a red light, stopping the car just in time.
"Would you fucking be careful!—"
"Anthony's back?!"
"Yes that's what I just said."
"Fuck... are you okay?" Carl looks at me with so much worry in his eyes that it makes my heart ache.

"I'm not actually." It came out before I could even lie.
"Shit— I mean I don't even know what to say, like that's messed up." Carl runs a hand through his hair, as he parks the car into the parking lot of our school.
"We'll talk later okay? I have a math test."
"Alright, we'll talk in private at lunch, good luck!"
"Thanks, love you."

I tap my pencil nervously while reading the questions from my test. I can't focus.
All I can think about is Anthony, and what he did to me and my mom, and how it would happen all over again. I can't take this anymore.
My leg is bouncing up and down and my breathing becomes unsteady.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My heart is pounding in my chest, as my head begins to feel light. Fuck. When was the last time I eat?

Maybe it was the panic attack, or my empty stomach, but suddenly everything turned dark.

I wake up to find myself on the floor.
With my head pounding, I start noticing our school nurse in front of me... and behind her my whole class, all in shook.
I faintly hear my teacher telling everyone to take a step back.
What the fuck just happened?

"Eleanor, how many fingers am I holding up?" The nurse asks, holding up two fingers.
"A million," I answer sarcastically. I attempt getting up, but quickly feel my defeat as a sharp pain forms in my head by my sudden movement.
I slowly lay back down, swallowing away my will to cry.

School called my mom and she walks into the nurse's office, with worry written all over her face.
"Honey are you okay? I was worried sick, what happened?"
"She fainted in first period, math," the nurse answers for me.
"What? How? Eleanor, I though we were done with this, you're not eating enough again?"
"Well, I guess I kinda forgot, having a lot on my plate right know if you know what I mean." I blankly look my mom in the eyes, and she sighs knowingly.

I'm aware that was a shifty thing to say, but I'm just so pissed at her.
"Let's go, we'll talk in the car."

While riding home my mom starts speaking.
"Baby, I know this is hard on you, with Anthony back in our lives, but he's changed. Things will be better from now on, I mean he's got this job-"
"We were doing fine mom!" My voice breaks. "After all he's done to us, you just forgive him? Even worse, you let him into our home again, why?!—"
"Because I love him!" My mom never really raises her voice to me. Until now. "Eleanor, you will understand this when you're older, but I did this for you, not to you." I can see tears in the corner of her eyes.
"I thought you where stronger than this, turns out I was wrong," I say.