Bitter & Sweet

13. Carl And Elijah

Carl

My house was no longer empty and I felt much less alone.
It had been a week since Teo and Eleanor had arrived at my doorstep.

It has been hard, having to keep such a huge secret from all of our friends. Especially Elijah.
I'm in the living room, watching Netflix with El and Teo next to me. My leg is bouncing up and down.
"Be right back," I say, before pushing myself off the couch.

I go into the nearest hallway and dial Elijah's number. I miss his voice.
Just as I think the line is about to go to voicemail, I hear Elijah's voice.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you!" Elijah says. My heartbeat picks up.
I stay quiet for a moment, unsure where to begin.
"I broke up with Leo." I don't know why I started there. The words left my mouth before I could stop them.
"Oh... are you okay?" He sounds concerned and all I can think is, we can be together now.
"I am. It's just— I have to tell you something. Can I come over?"
"Yeah, of course. I get home in ten minutes."
"Great." I hang up and nervously run a hand through my hair.

I go back into the living room and announce to my new roommates that I'm going to Elijah's.
"Should we make dinner?" El asks me, luckily no suspicion in her voice.
"Sure, I don't know when I'll be home. I think there's a bag with groceries on the counter in the kitchen."
"Alright, see ya' later."

I head out the house and drive up to Elijah's place.
Elijah lives with two roommates in an apartment, only a couple blocks away.
He's never had a very good relationship with his parents, so he moved out last year.
He's the only one in our friend group who got into college. Eleanor and Hazel will have to repeat the year, Grace is taking a gap year because she wants to travel through Europe, and I'm probably going to take a gap year as well, unless my parents will hold me at gun point if I don't go to college.

I pull over in the driveway of Elijah's apartment, I turn off the engine and inhale deeply, trying to calm my nerves.
Elijah said he couldn't be with me for multiple reasons.
One: he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. Two: he's leaving for college in six months. And three: I'm with Leo. Except I'm not with Leo anymore, which crosses out at least one from the top three.

"Stop being a fucking pussy," I say, to no one but myself.
After long minute, I've finally build up the courage to get out of the car.

I knock on the front door to his apartment and hold my breath while waiting for someone to open it.
"Hey Carl, he's on the balcony." One of Elijah's roommates, Laila, is standing in front of me with a big grin on her face.
She was the first one to find out about Elijah and me. The way she found out though, still haunts me till this day.

"Thanks," I say, before going inside.
Their place is always a mess, but I find it strangely comforting.
My house is mostly spotless, which only makes it feel that much bigger and makes me feel that much smaller.

I open the door to the balcony.
Elijah is smoking a joint and looks up to me from the chair he's sitting on. His face lights up as he sees me.
"Hey."
"Hey."
We hadn't seen each other ever since we went to the lake house with everyone.
"Sit down. You said you needed to tell me something?"
I sit down next to him on a white, plastic chair. And dark brown eyes greet mine.

All I wanted to do was run my fingers through his hair and kiss him. I didn't.
I hadn't noticed that I haven't said anything in the past two minutes, until Elijah's hand on my shoulder, snaps me out of thought.

"Are you okay?" He asks, now a little worried.
"Yeah, I'm okay." Elijah's eyes are searching for a hint and he looks a little lost.
"Is this about Leo?"
"No."
"Then what is it?"
I sigh heavily. Eleanor asked me not to tell anyone about our situation, but I just can't keep this from Elijah — who's the only person who has really been there for me.