Pies and Knives

What's up with AJ?

       I like to come down to the bakery and listen to people talk. The two ponies behind me are talking about a party. They say it's going to be in town square tonight. I didn't know there was going to be a party, and I'm a bit frustrated nobody told me. The two talking ponies eventually stand up from their seats, put some coins on the table, and leave together. Nothing particularly interesting is happening, so I put down my coffee and decide to follow them. They both walk for a few minutes, then when they reach a house, they both say goodbye and one heads inside. I think it's dumb how nice ponies are to each other. It makes them seem so superficial like they're trying to please everybody. Who wants to smile their whole life? I prefer lying on the hay in my barn reading old books. Thinking about reading in my barn motivates me to walk home.

       When I get home, I slam the gate door behind me and stretch my arms. It's tiring being out for so long, especially around such obnoxiously hyper ponies. I grab a book from the house and head to the barn. Before I walk inside, however, I notice something quite odd. I live all by myself, and that's the way I've always lived. It makes things so much more peaceful. Now considering that, I find it strange that in the mud, I can see footprints leading up to the barn door. It rained this morning, which is why it's so muddy, but I haven't gone into the barn since yesterday. That's why I found it so odd.

       I pull open the door by its round black ring handle and push the door to the side. The sunlight pours in and at first, I don't see anybody. I wonder if it was an animal. Those raccoons sometimes like to sneak into the shed, but I never let them get away without punishment. I walk in and pace around peering into every shadow, trying to make out the shape of a bear or a large rabbit. To my surprise, behind a hay bale, I find a pony hiding. When he realizes I've found him, he jumps up and tries to run for the door. This angers me, and I'm able to buck an apple at his head, which knocks him down pretty hard.

       I stand overtop his body and hold him down, asking him who he was and why he broke into my barn. I start getting angrier, because he doesn't answer as fast as I want him to. I slap him across the face, and he finally chokes out an answer. "Berry Cream! My name is Berry Cream! I work at the confectionery! I was just curious what your barn looked like inside, that's all! I swear!" He struggled to get free, and I kept him held down because I knew if I let him go, I would never see him again. That's not what I wanted though, because I believe that if he broke in - just like the raccoons, - he deserves to be punished.

       Unsatisfied with his answer, I loosen my grasp on him and take hold of him now by the legs, dragging him back into the darkness of the barn. He tries to resist, holding onto the ground, but he only leaves a trail of pressed mud, leaving marks that look as if somebody had drug a rake through the mud. His outstretched hand was the last thing to feel the warmth of sunlight, before disappearing into the deathly cold of the barn's interior. I close the barn door, and no warm light continues to peak through, except for the mild illumination that leaks through the cracks in the ceiling. Then I tied him up, and I waited. If you are going to do something like I was about to, you have to plan it.

       You see when you expect to hurt somebody, you should make sure no one else is around. That's when I remembered the party in the center of town tonight. That meant nobody was going to be around, and if I were to expect that everyone would be cheering and laughing, I'm sure they wouldn't be able to discern a distant scream of pain. That's the perfect atmosphere to commit an atrocious act. I say "atrocious," but I don't believe it's very bad. He broke into my house, would anybody care if he got held down and slapped? Sure, that's not the worst that will happen to him, but do people spare sympathy for criminals? Nonsense. I know they wouldn't care what happens to me if they found out what I was about to do. That's precisely why it needs only to happen within the isolation of my barn.

       He's stuck to a chair now, bound with an excessive amount of rope that he could not defeat. He looks scared, and I can't tell that even in the dark. After a minute of panicking silently to himself, he blurted out a question that made me laugh. "What are you gonna do to me?" he cried out. I chuckled, and said back, "Well shucks, then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it? Where's the fun in that?" This response only made him squirm in his chair even more, and he kept blurting out pleas for forgiveness and freedom. At one point he screamed out "I have a wife and a kid," which I thought was stupid. I assured him that since they didn't break into my barn, they would not be punished. This did not calm him down, and I believe he only said that so I would feel bad for him. I don't feel bad for him.

       I prepared a line of tools on a table, and when I placed each one down, he seemed to cry harder each time he caught a glimpse of what the tool was. Specifically, he cried the most when I brought in a rusty handsaw, which meant he probably had an idea of what I was about to do to him. When I carried over the hammer to the table, he did the same thing. He saw me coming back, got real quiet, saw the hammer, and then cried out loud again. It got on my nerves, so I decided that I didn't want to wait any longer and that the tools I had were enough to start. That's when I picked up the wrench, smiled, and turned to him. He started forcefully rocking the chair, but before he could tip it over, I grabbed him by the shoulder, brandishing the wrench in his face.

       "Have you met my wrench, yet?" The pony shook his head. He again begged to be forgiven. I said no criminal should be forgiven, and let go of his shoulder. "It's gonna be just you, me, and Mr. Carbon Steel Wrench. I think you both will be closely aquatinted after our little party." Speaking of "parties," the sun has begun to set, and I hear the first burst of a firework in the distance. Sounds like everyone's ready to have their fun, and tonight, I'll get to have some fun as well. I laugh at the thought of it, and the pony starts to scream for help. But nobody can hear him, not over those loud fireworks!