Pies and Knives

Applejack's drunk? Who would've thunk!

The night dies out and the flame of the sun burns on, high in the sky, raining its sunshine down upon the drunk disabled body of Applejack. I wake up on the ground, disoriented. I look around to figure out where I am. I find myself to be surrounded by bookshelves, and a small purple dragon is to my side. He looks at me with a disturbed face. "Twilight..." he whines. The smart purple pony walks in, spots my drunken self on her floor, and screams out "Applejack?! Not again!! Get out!" I stumble to my feet and wobble as quick as I can to the door, accidentally smashing into the wall before straightening myself and finding the way. Flies are circling around me, as if I weren't drunk but more so close to death. I walk into Pinkie's and say hi, which comes out more like a "urnnhhi!" Pinkie says she's cutting me off and that I can't be drunk in the bakery. I vomit on the floor and leave.

Walking down the street spewing vomit all around me, a nice patron of the roads invites me in his car and drives me back home. Fluttershy is out on the porch smoking a cigarette. "Wooahh didn't know you smokkkedd?" She breathes out a dark ashy cloud. "I don't smoke. This is made from herbs. Also, what happened to you? Did you go out drinking?" I shook my head no, but my stomach turned and down streamed a chunky string of bile. "Aghh... God!" I shouted, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "I'm a monster! What the hell is wrong with me?" Fluttershy looks indifferent to my sick fits, and just stares on, judging me. She flips her pink hair back out of her face. "So are you gonna be okay by the time we get to Twilight's house?" Confused, I asked "What?" She grunted. "Twilights'a house. Remember?" Through my warping thoughts and painful hangover, I squeezed out the memory and it hit me with the force of a truck. "Oh right... Twilight invited us over. I'm still pissed you told her we'd go."

She looked at me with the same indifferent expression. "Pick yourself up and get ready." I say okay, but another explosion bursts out of my mouth and piles into the grass. "God... what did I eat? Looks like a damn ear... oh. It is a damn ear. Who did I...?" I try to forget about it so I don't stress out whilst being in a drunken delirium. I don't put on any dress clothes, as I don't respect Twilight enough to provide her the formality of a suit. Fluttershy does make an effort, donning a bright green tie looped around her neck. "You look cute" I tell her. She ignores me and starts walking. I follow her, and eventually we arrive at Twilight's. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't knocked over a few trash cans, and also fell down a bunch and needed picked up off the sidewalk by Flutter. We ring her doorbell, and Twilight opens the door. "Hey guys." Her enthusiasm is there, but I think I tainted it because of... earlier. "Sorry about sleeping on your floor Twi. I got a bit carried away with the drinks." She nods, appreciating my apology. "No problem. You learned a lesson, didn't you?" I chuckle. "Hah, yeah. I guess I did learn a-" but I can't finish my sentence before a giant blast of stomach acid thrusted out of my lips and ran down Twilight's front steps, dripping down each one. "Sweet Celestia!" she cries out.

Twi served me a nice mixture that settled my stomach a good bit. Although the thumping pain in my temples is still there. I don't complain about it out loud. "Wow, Twilight! You're house looks so nice, I forgot how great you are at organizing things!" Twilight smiles and thanks her. I make a joke. "The only thing she can't organize is her life! Get a boyfriend, egghead! Right? Right?" Nobody agrees with me, and they go on talking without acknowledging my comment. "How's the animal sanctuary, Fluttershy?" She brings a small cup of tea to her mouth, and answers, "It's great! The bunnies are getting along well, and the giraffe has become friends with two raccoons! Mmm, this is some great tea!" They both keep chatting and I zone out in my empty mind. I get the urge deep in the pit of my stomach, not nausea or a vomit spell, but a genuine feeling of excitement, arising from the thought of murder. Killing those two ponies and burning them to a rotten ash mound was fun! I don't know why it took me so long!

I tap Fluttershy on the shoulder and she leans over. I whisper in her pointed ear, "I feel like killing someone. Whudduya think?" She pulls back and away, grits her teeth at me, then goes back to speaking with Twi. Ugh, thought she really had fun last time. Guess I was wrong. I sip my tea. The hand on the clock seems to walk the pace of a snail, and I can't help but stare at it and pray to myself that the night will fly by. It doesn't, and minutes feel like hours, and conversations feel like dramatic speeches. Life is so boring compared to seconds ago when I was going out, burning the flesh off some ponies and getting drunk. I can't take it anymore. I reach across the table and grab Twi by her throat, ripping her through the hair and slamming her down on the floor. I sit on top of her to hold her in place. I take my tea cup and smash it over her head. Blood sprays on my face in one spur of dots. I take a shard of the cup and push it against her throat. Unbeknownst to me, Fluttershy was ready to bring down a chair on the back of my head, and I fell down, knocked out cold.