Love the Impossible

Chapter 9 - Rachel's P.O.V.

I could pretend that I wasn't listening.

I could pretend I was sleeping, but my sobs didn't allowed it.

I was mad at him. The way he treated everyone, not only me. The way he talked to me, like if I was such a bother. The way he felt superior and had to look down at everyone, because that was the way he was raised. The way his eyes glared at me, blue sharp and cold, all the hatred he had over the years towards him was no directed only to me and that kind of freaked me out. The way he asked me to stop crying, like if I was some guilty conscience charge that he wanted to get rid of, because he couldn't handle some tears.

I was confused. The way his voice quivered when he apologized to me. The way he said he couldn't stand that I was mad at him. The way he begged me to stop crying. I wished I'd seen his eyes when he said that. I really wished to believe what he was saying to me. That he didn't actually wanted to hurt me.

All my life, I've known people like Octavian. My parents, their business partners, their friends, my own friends. People that only care about their status and the status other people can offer them. Parents that made political and business deals with other friends or even outsiders about their children so, they could make alliances by marriage... Kind of like a modern royalty.

I've had several suitors myself. I was never interested in the business my father does, so I was practically MIA during his meetings or I'd ran away on purpose. After I met Percy and the Second Titan War took place, I avoided those meetings even more, because I knew I couldn't have an escape once I set foot in there. I preferred people think I was rude and unwilling to commit to a marriage than actually explaining that I could never had kids.

That last statement would had led people, including my own parents, to questioned me about how did I knew. Which had led them into thinking I wasn't 'pure' anymore. And, although I prefer to be cataloged as a 'lady friend' by many, I was still disgust by the term.

Love wasn't in my script. Not from a guy, not from my parents, not from friends even. Love, as my father would say, 'was a weakness and a very elaborated charade that only after years you could master the act to show people emotions'.

I bet Aphrodite was excited when she listened to that.

I was thinking all that when Octavian was apologizing to me. At first, his words didn't sound sincere. He was just trying to take a weight off his shoulders. Sure, some people hate when someone else cries, which is what I saw reasonable.

Then, he tried again. And this time, he did sound emotional.

I looked up from my pillow, trying to sober up a little. I saw him curled up next to my bed, his knees under his face, who was hidden between them. His arms around his legs. He looked so broken that I started to feel bad for him. So, I got up and wiped my eyes clean before getting down with him and placing my hand over his knee.

That made him look up.

"I wasn't right" I didn't know how to start, but I figured that an apology "I understand why you are like that. If I was pushed around like that all the time, I'd react the same way" I explained, looking ahead "Actually, no. That's how I want to react" I admitted, chuckling a little. I didn't know if he was looking at me or not, but at the moment, I didn't care "I guess that people are afraid of us... Of what we can do..." I played with my hands, unsure "When people doesn't understand how this works, we end up looking like the bad, weird, freaks and stuff..." I breathed out, trying to calm down "What I'm trying to say is that I understand your reaction and from where it comes... But that doesn't give you the right to treat me like that" I stated, still not looking at him "If you feel that Alaska is your only option, your only solution, then I won't stop you. Go, make a life. But if not... I suggest you that you try to be polite and use manners with people" Only then, I stared at him in the eyes "Because, they might not be as understanding as me"

His blue eyes stared back at me, not breaking contact with me. His eyes were waving between the different emotions so fast that I couldn't register them more than a few seconds. I broke the contact, feeling the heat rising to my cheeks, leaving me with a wonder:

If love wasn't in the script... then, what am I feeling?