Love the Impossible

Chapter 26 - Octavian's P.O.V.

I had that dream again. The one where Rachel turns into a rag doll and I have to cut her open. Where she dies and its my fault.

I woke up, fearing it was true. I looked around and saw a letter. I grabbed at it. My hands trembled as I read. She had left. Said it wasn't her fault, she was just trying to help. And maybe, she wouldn't come back. Maybe... Maybe... maybe, maybe, maybe

NO!

No... She had to come back, I was fine, really actually fine... I would have been fine, but now... RACHEL IS OUT THERE DOING SOMETHING STUPID AND SHE MAY NEVER COME BACK, SHE WROTE THAT SHE MIGHT NOT COME BACK.

She said that she loves me so much and that's why she left, but I love her too and I can't bear the though of losing her, what even is anything... I'm just so... I'm torn up.

I'm perfectly fine. I was perfectly fine. OK, I wasn't, but my head was fine, I woke up this morning and I WAS FINE.

And then, I read her little letter. And now, it physically hurts to exist.

My hands tremble and shake. My eyes blur with tears. I scream for Rachel. I scream and moan. I close my eyes and see her dying to protect me. I understand that she is doing this for me but... But...

But, I would do the same thing if the situation was reversed. But, since it isn't reversed, I think it's a bad idea... I don't want her suffering...

I run through camp. I'm dressed, mostly... I might have forgotten pants but I'm wearing underwear, I swear. I care not that I look like a mad man. I AM a mad man... I'm going crazy over thoughts of losing Rachel.

"PERCY! WHERE'S RACHEL?!" I'm crying, begging him for answers. I must look insane, but I don't care.

"Octavian... Why?"

"Where's Rachel? She disappeared, she said she was getting help for me, she said... she said she might not come back... If you know where she is, please, I need to know, I need to go after her, help me please... Rachel..." I know why I can talk now and I couldn't other times. Because, I'm so crazy in love with her, my brain doesn't let me fail. Now, I have to know where she is, I have to stop her before she does something stupid.

I'm not good enough to be died for! I'm not special! I'll be okay... I just need her... I'm close to hyperventilating.

"Octavian, you're not wearing pants"

"I DON'T CARE! TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!"

"I didn't even know she was gone, I swear!" Percy said, looking almost scared "Octavian, you need help and I can't give it to you. Do you need to go lie down in the infirmary?"

"I NEED TO FIND RACHEL."

"SHUT UP AND CALM DOWN. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. If Rachel is gone, then her mind is made up and you're not finding her anytime soon. So just calm down and deal with it!" He yelled at me. I shrank back, shaking with rage and fear. Tears tugged at my eyes.

"Please... I don't want to lose her... I just got her... She's my hope... please..."

"I'm sorry" He shut the door on me. I started towards the pine tree. I walked out of Camp Half Blood in just a t-shirt and boxers and crying because I had lost the only girl I would ever love because she loved me too much to do something.

I was mad at her. I hated her so much that I was sobbing over losing her. It just hurt so much... Like she'd left a hold in my heart. Like she'd just gone and taken my heart. Like she'd taken me. My soul and spirit and will to live all gone with Rachel Elizabeth Dare.