Love the Impossible

Chapter 24 - Octavian's P.O.V.

Oh, that I could say things only got better. That the night Rachel slept with me was peaceful, restful, good.

I've never slept with anyone.

I don't know what this means. Or what it makes me. AM I STILL PURE.

Whatever, that doesn't matter...

It's... It's not important.

I would really like to say that after the date that my head cleared and I got better.

~oOo~

The next day was one of the worst of my life. My head felt like it had exploded. I didn't want to move or talk or eat or do anything, it just hurt so bad. And I was dizzy. I wasn't even sitting up and yet, I was really dizzy.

I just lay there. Rachel was there, somewhere... I saw her sitting on the side of the bed, dressed in normal clothes, much more stylish than anything I owned, though she had managed to make even my old things cute. She was eating a banana.

"Good morning, sleepy" she said, running her fingers through my hair. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't. My head was twisted and my mouth was dry. G-good morning Rachel... The words I wanted to say. The words that lived in my head but wouldn't come out.

A frown covered her face in an instant. My heart ached to see her frowning. No, no, go back to being happy, go back to this being a good morning baby I'm fine, just please, smile...

"You're hurting, aren't you?" I couldn't tell her even if I wanted to. If I'd been able to speak, I would have lied but only a little strangled choking sound came out. Worry painted itself across her face as she petted mine.

"I'll get you ambrosia, wait they don't know if that'll work on you, Styx..." she kissed my forehead "I'm getting a medic, you'll be OK"

No! ITS JUST A HEADACHE I'M SURE, STOP WORRYING, PLEASE I JUST WANNA SEE YOU SMILE. A tear dripped from my eye. She wiped it sadly.

"I know you're hurting, I promise I'll help you get better. I promise even if it's the last thing I do" I wanted to yell 'NO RACHEL, I'M NOT CRYING BECAUSE IT HURTS, I'M CRYING BECAUSE YOU'RE SAD, PLEASE...' All I wanted was her to smile. The hurt was there, but it didn't matter. I wanted my bubbly happy Rachel back. The weight of my problem was bringing her down and I didn't want her to make me better if making me better was the last thing she did.

I would rather die a second death than see Rachel die. She jogged off, getting a medic. I managed a groan and tried to get out of bed. I managed to end up on the floor. A start... My head screamed in protest as I stood dizzily. It was only my head but it was affecting the rest of me making me feel sick to my stomach. I leaned against the wall. I would find her and force the words out. I just wanted to see her happy see her smiling. To watch her face go from a smile to a frown was like seeing your entire family slaughtered in front of you. Except it was so much worse than that. It was tragic.

My brain refused to send the right signals. While the sentimental part of me agreed I needed to find Rachel and tell her that I was okay and that I just needed to see her smile again, the part that controlled my body was like 'no, you're going to fall over right now'. I did. I fell over, struggled to get up, took a step, fell over again. I'd made it maybe three feet and was in the falling down part of the cycle when Rachel and some medic showed up.

"Octavian!" My head pounded and wailed and I was still trying to get back up when she ran up. I could only look up at her, look into her eyes, and hope that mine conveyed the message I couldn't speak.

I wasn't stronger than myself. I was only weak. I would only ever be weak. I couldn't tell her now how much I loved her and how much I just wanted to see her smile. That's all I've ever wanted...

Please, Rachel... Please...

"Please..." The word slipped out before my tongue tied up again. She looked at me, so scared, so confused, and we began to cry at the same instance, just for completely different reasons.