Love the Impossible

Chapter 10 - Octavian's P.O.V.

"Can I stay? Could I actually make a home here where's only one person seems to like me?"

"There are reasons people don't like you, Octavian. You didn't leave a good impression on my friends, trying to blow up the camp and all" I have no defense for that. I'm shaking a little. Trembling. I was right about the sound of her sobs haunting me. There they are, louder than anything. She'd dried her eyes but I heard them. It was painful and sad. My hands shook.

"I don't know how to be a good person" I admitted to her.

"I can tell" she teased. I ducked my head and smiled a little.

"I can get better, right?"

"That's up to you. You don't want to go to Alaska?" she questioned me, all teasing gone.

"Not really, no." The next thing that came out of my mouth surprised both of them. I really need to think before I say crazy things like this "There probably aren't any Rachel's in Alaska" I see a mad cute blush come to her face. I feel one in mine. Why did I say that?!

"Rachel's a common name, there will be plenty of Rachel's in Alaska" she said, quiet.

"Yeah maybe, but they wouldn't exactly be you, would they? Unless, um..." Don't you dare ask her to come with you, Octavian Alexander!! Don't you dare, don't you dare, don't you dare!

"Unless what?" she asked. There was this strange light in her eyes. Hope? Fear? A little bit of both at the same time? I couldn't tell. I'd never seen anything like it before. Strange, the confused part of me was overwhelmed by the part that thought that no matter what that look in her eyes was, her eyes were beautiful. And they were. They shone like sunlight. My breath stopped for a moment.

Stunning.

"This is your home. You wouldn't go off to some cold country-"

"Alaska is a state, not a country"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"I had no idea. But my point is you wouldn't go off to some frigid place with some guy you barely know and kind of hate"

"1, I don't hate you, I just wouldn't nominate you for any good behavior awards. 2, were you implying you were thinking about asking me to go to Alaska with you?"

"Maybe" I said shyly.

"Well... You're right. This is my home and you're a guy a barely know" she seemed protective. Given my history of blowing things up and gutting teddy bears, I wouldn't trust me either. I sit on her bed. I decide to tell her a story.

"Once upon a time Octavian Alexander was a young, innocent child. His parents gave him a stuffed animal which he would later name Augustus when he was old enough to be intelligible. He... Well I... I loved that thing. Never gutted it. I brought it with me to war, silly I know, but it was my favorite. It was this stuffed raccoon, cutest thing. Obviously though, when I died, it got lost. No way I could have kept it. It probably got burnt. Stupid story, I'm aware, but I thought you could stand to know a bit more about me. I'm not going to ask you to come to Alaska with me. You're happy here. If here makes you happy, then stay here and be happy, that's all I want" It's happening again!! Cheesy stuff is coming out of my mouth!! Help me, help me now!! I'm freaking out, I'm freaking out, I'm freaking out!!

I'm saved from the sappiness of my own language by a loud growling sound. At first I think hell hounds. Then I realize its my stomach and I haven't technically eaten since I died. I don't want to seem dependent though I am so I don't say anything. I just stay quiet. The silence kind of weighs down on me and makes me realize how much I like the sound of her voice. It always makes me think of strength and calm and for some reason, clouds, white poofy ones, but ones that could also turn vicious and stormy if they wanted to. I get all that from a single word from her lips. Her lips...

No Octavian! Think of food, think of hunger, think of anything except Rachel Dare, anything at all!

I think if you like someone, you're supposed to tell them. Tell them first before you kiss them. No, you're never going to kiss Rachel, because she doesn't like you and that will just drive her away. I don't know what I'm supposed to do! I've never done romance before!

But wait. So, I like Rachel? So, I actually like Rachel. And I want to kiss her. So, its love. Most people call it love. I can't call it love though! Its not love, its so not love. Its not love, someone tell me its not love.

Love is impossible right?

For a heartless wretch like me?

Its supposed to be impossible...

Why can't it be impossible?!

Impossibles easier... This. This is soul crushingly hard. No Alaska. No lips. No Rachel, I need to get away from this... This impossible thing called Love This impossible thing called Rachel Dare.

I've never been more scared in my life.