i really wish that i didn't have so much self control and self restraint because every time i saw you i would just scream at you how much i missed you. how good we were together and how much i wish you were still in my life in the capacity you once were. we were so great, and i understand that things on paper don't add up to how they make us feel, but i don't understand why you couldn't just hold on and listen to me. you were safe with me, i was happy with who you were, i didn't want you to change anything about yourself; you were enough. and it breaks my heart that you couldn't see that. but it breaks my heart even more that your solution to your feelings of insecurity and inadequately were to leave. to break things off because that was easier for your anxiety.
there is nothing wrong with you, though. you aren't a bad person. that's what makes this so hard.
you've done nothing wrong, but it breaks my heart that you couldn't see what i could.
i question the universe constantly as to why you were brought into my life just to leave it months later, but i never get an answer. i just wish i understood. and every time i have to see you i hope i'll finally get closure but i don't. the more i see you the more i miss you; miss what we had and wish we could still have it today. the more i see you the more i wish you would just call me and tell me you made a mistake and you want to be with me.
you were everything i wanted. everything. and then you just left. and now i'm left with nothing i want. i didn't want this. i don't want this.
i'm sorry you felt so anxious and insecure, that was the last thing i wanted this relationship to bring you. but was the potential not enough? was our compatibility not enough? like i said, we were so good, how was that not enough? was i not enough? or is it that you don't feel you are enough? because you are enough. you are. i told you you were, but it didn't help.
i wish i could be the one to tell you how much i miss you, but i'm the one that got broken up with.
you know what i want. you always did.
i still want the same thing, but now i have to watch you from afar as your life continues and i pick up my armor once again.
why couldn't we have worked out? can the universe tell me why? universe, why did it have to end so soon? it all feels so unfair.
i know you'll never see this, but if you do, or if you have a strong feeling of longing for me like i do you, please just call me. i can't do anything about this except beg and begging is so horribly degrading. we shouldn't have to beg for what we want or need.
i just,
i miss you. terribly.
