xv: november loneliness

20 7 0
                                    

**tw's: sh implied, disordered eating implied, depression**

please love me / quietly in
this half-shelf-life i / found out that / i break things / for god to patch up / tell me how / is that not caring? / tell me how tragic it is / invite yourself in / i don't know how to say no /
anyway

he says he is 1 call away / but never spoke right in front of me / i was really that small & perfect, huh / that it started with a kiss on the chin & ended with a brush on the forehead, it is /

my turn to disappear / i feel that november loneliness again / each year
a gross lament & each year a regression

unto your hands that hold mine, i need you / to know that in your grip was the only time i felt safe / in faux-prayer, i manage to will myself back there.

i imagine i can learn how to keep it simple this time & / i'll know which silences are mine / i can be that small & perfect again.

but i don't want to be (i want to be)
loving you quietly. i want to be breaking
things / i want
to be inviting in.

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