**tw's: sh implied, sui attempt**
the liquid pools into me, cool &
heavy—my
stomach compresses tight,
down into itself &
i don't really feel
it anymore. i can count
the number of breaths on one hand &
then forget them all again. i can
impress & disgust all at the same time. i know
things that you will never / do
you remember how easy it was to disappear? all it took
was nails dug into a palm, sometimes
some tooth marks impressed onto an arm, did you ever see that? all it took
was too much out of me. i wouldn't even want
to recognise you now. i don't even write the same, you never liked
that anyway but
you'll carry on reading still. what
do you learn, do you keep it close enough? all that
it takes to well & anchor down, hard & how
you have no idea how
i could scream. i spit & it never ends. i unwind & forget to pick up
clusters of fingers i leave to spill & puddle
over. this is a shoreline i am forgetting to write i need
to watch someone else drown i am tired i am tired i am tired i know
you wade out now & it was never enough—even with all this spilling out of my gut. i writhed around &
out right there with you, the unholy trio, & you
just wanted to be right, still. always just right, with
some medicalised load—do
you care for that tone now? how you knelt at the side of my sickbed, turned threat.
if it is water if it is fizzy it is the same the same how dare i differentiate how dare i close my eyes & drift away?
& then i tripped over all my words
telling two-thirds of you how i'd done
that to myself. how i'd screamed that night, &
would again later that day—first as i'd felt myself die,
& the latter, very much angry at being alive,
at you & as you
wither away. i watch myself drown too & it is the same it is the same.
YOU ARE READING
body work
Poetry**for fans of plath, anne sexton & ocean vuong** 'body work' is a captivating collection of poetry that delves into the depths of human experiences, exploring the intricate relationship between the physical body & the emotional & spiritual realms. w...
