A Mind Full of Endless Thoughts

13

   I know I said this was the end, but I remember. I remember everything and I'm so sorry Blue. This was all my fault. I fucked up.

Core Memory

   The day started of great, and everything was going well. We went for breakfast at IHOP, and you got an omelet, but you told the waiter to make sure there weren't any onions because you hated onions. I ordered some pancakes with a side of grits, bacon and scrambled egg. We were enjoying our breakfast when your phone buzzed. You read the message and smiled, "Cool we just got invited to Mack's going away party and it's going to be lit. Wan to go? Please say yes." I wiped my mouth, "Hell yeah, I heard he throw's the biggest parties, but I'm not drinking because I know you'll get wasted and I'll have to drive us home." You were so excited and started doing a happy dance. I thought you looked so cute. After we finished eating breakfast, we headed to the mall to find something to wear.

   "Why do we always have to go shopping for clothes when we're going to a party," I asked. "Because we can't be seen in anything we've already worn and we need to be the best-looking people at the party," you said. Your ass was too hype for this party, but I get it. It had been a while since we went out, so this should be nice. You picked out some nice jeans for the both of us and got us similar shirts. As for shoes, we just got some basic black vans. We headed home and watched Real Housewives of Atlanta until it was time for us to get dressed. I got dressed way before you and had to wait. As you got dressed, I couldn't help but watch you. You were so damn sexy. I got up from where I was sitting and walked up behind you. I wrapped my arms around your waist. I wasn't the dominant type, but when I was around you, I couldn't help it. I put my face in your neck and smelled that perfume I loved so much.

   I started kissing your neck and heard your breath catching, "Chance we can't. We have to go to the party." I was trying to hear any of that. "Come on I'll make it quick," I said trying to convince you. "No, but when we get back, I promise you can do whatever you want to me." I agreed a left you to get dressed. I sat in your living room watching tv wondering what was taking you so long, but when you came out, I realized it was worth the wait, "Damn you look fine." You did a twirl, "Don't I always." We headed out and made our way over to the party and it was bumping. There were so many people we could barely get through the front door. Once we were in, we found Mack.

   "Glad you could make it," he said giving us each a hug, "Grab a drink and enjoy the party." We headed to the bar area, and I got a Sprite while you got a mixed drink. As the night went on, we enjoyed ourselves. You were slamming drinks back and were super drunk, but I didn't want to stop you because were having too much fun. Someone started up a game circle and the party was jumping. We watched all of our friends play different games, each one getting drunk by the minute, including you. "Alright how about we play truth or dare, if it isn't too traumatizing for you Chance," Mack yelled over the crowd. We all started laughing. "Nah it's all good," I said. The game started and everything was going well. I looked around looking for you, but you were nowhere to be found. I left the game circled and asked a few different people did they know where you were, but no one did. After asking one more person, I found out that you went outside.

   I walked outside and saw some guy I didn't recognize feeling you up. Jealousy immediately shot through me. I walked over and pulled you away gently, "Sorry, but my friend is a little bit to drunk to be entertaining guys." He threw his hands up and backed away. I guided away from the house and to the cars, "What are you doing Blue." "I'm just having a little fun," you said slurring your words. "We're going home, you're way too drunk," I tried to take you to the car, but you pulled away. "I'm not leaving because you got jealous," you said. I pinched the bridge of my nose, "It's not about that. I just don't want you to make any mistakes." You start going on the same old rant you always do about how I don't love you and just want to keep you a secret and I'm really over listening to you. I grab you and force you in the car. I got in and drove away. "Why do always do this Chance? You always ruin the fun,' you said angrily. "I'm not about to just let you fuck some random guy," I was mad. "No, you just don't want me to fuck anyone that isn't you. I told you I love you and want to be with you, but you're so scared of being judged that you just ignore all of that," you were yelling. "Blue that isn't true. I just...." "You just what Chance. I can't keep doing this. You don't want to be with me then fine. After tonight this whatever this is over," you said cutting me off. "I knew you were going to this. I knew this was coming," I said looking at you. We started arguing more and I wasn't paying attention to my speed or the road. "Chance look out."