A Mind Full of Endless Thoughts

14

6 months later

   Blue, I did it. Charlottle approved me for gen pop. I'm doing better now that I've actually started trying to heal. Life doesn't seem so scary anymore. I still have a lot of work to do, but Charlotte says that if I do great in gen pop then I could be out in another six months. I'm kind of excited to try and make new friends and gain new experiences. Who knows I may even be able to find people who have the same diagnosis as me. I still miss you and I won't forget you and if anything, important pops up, I'll be sure to come here and add, so that you don't feel left out. Even though I know you'll be watching me from wherever you are. Life without will be hard and it'll take a while for me to get rid of the guilt, but I don't think it's impossible to live life without you anymore. As long as I have the memories I share with you, I always have. I love you Blue.

   I close my laptop and pack it up with the rest of my stuff. The guard comes and opens the door and guides me outside where I wait for the transport van to take me up the hill to be with the main population. As I stand in front of the iso pop building, I think about just how much I've written in the time that I've spent there. The van arrives and I get into it nervous for the ride. When we arrive, Charlottle is there waiting to greet me. I get out the van and walk up to her, "Are you ready." I nod and she opens the doors. Immediately, I notice that the environment here isn't so tense and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. She takes me on a tour showing me the common areas and the recreational areas. I take in my new surroundings feeling a little excited. She leads me to my new room where I'll have a roommate and I start to feel nervous. My head starts to fill with anxious thoughts, but I push them to the back of my mind, not letting them get the best of me. When we opened the door, my roommate rushed to it and held out her hand, "My name is Samantha, but can call me Sam for short," she says excitedly. She grabs something's from me and places them on my bed. She kind of reminded me of Blue in that moment. "Well, I'll let you get settled in. It's free time now, so you're welcome to join the girls in the common areas or go to the courtyard," Charlottle says leaving.

   I get to know Sam more and then head out to the common areas. I wasn't feeling too confident to walk up to anyone yet, so I went to the courtyard. No one was out there since it was really cold. There was a beautiful big fountain in the middle of it. I walked up to it and sat on it just thinking about how far I've come. I was taking in the sound of the water when I heard whistling. I looked around, but I didn't see anyone there. "Is someone there," I said into the cold sky. "It's just me sitting on the other side of the fountain. Sorry, I didn't know anyone was here, I'll leave," the stranger said. "No, it's ok. Your whistling was kind of soothing," I say back. I sit on the fountain thinking about how there's a stranger on the other side. She continues whistling, while I just clear my mind and listen. My eyes close and I let myself drift away on the soothing tones coming from her mouth. The whistling stops and I open my eyes, "You're new here right." I hesitate to answer, "Well not so much to Gray Hills, but to gen pop, yes." I wasn't sure why I was conversing with a stranger, but it kind of felt good to talk to someone other than Charlotte.

   "Oh, you were in iso pop down the hill. You must've had a hard time," she said. "Yeah, but I've been through worse. I'm not totally mentally unstable," I laugh at myself. "We're all fucked up in one way or another," the voice laughs, "Hey want to hear a joke." "Sure, humor me, but I must warn you, I'm hard to amuse," I said. "Here goes. Why was the sea sad," the stranger asks. "I don't know. I'm not sure I've heard that one yet," I say puzzled. "Because it was blue." I try to hold in my laughter, but I can't and cry out. I keep laughing until I remember Blue. She was always telling me jokes. My laughter faded as I started to think about her. "You good there stranger," I'm snapped out of my thoughts. "Chance," I say. "What," she asks. "My name is Chance not stranger and yeah I'm ok, I was just thinking about someone I lost, who would love that joke," I say, "What's your name?" There's a slight pause, "I'll give you a hint. It was at the end of the joke I just told you." I look down at my hands and think about the joke. As I'm thinking I hear footsteps approaching. Ocean? No. The only other thing it could be is, "Blue." I freeze looking down at my hands. My chest feels tight, and I feel tears falling from my eyes. I see someone standing next to me out the corner of my eye. I look up and there she is standing next to me. "This can't be real. I must be a hallucination. There's no way, you're dead," I say in disbelief. I stare at her taking in the beautiful features that I've missed so much. Your long brown hair, your shining brown eyes, and your loving smile. "Chance it's me. For real."