Stay With Me

Chapter - 19

It's been many days. I and Jeremy chat a lot. Everything is going fine. We spend our days mostly chatting with one another. But I don’t feel good. I wanna tell him about my feelings. Some things are really hard to do. Maybe confessing to the person you love is one of those. I have planned not to tell him now but at the same time I can't wait. What if he finds someone else? What if he loves someone else? Then what's the point of me waiting for him to tell ? I have waited 2 whole months but I can see, I am being impatient. If I can't tell him, then I won't get peace. Now I can't wait anymore. I will tell him today. But how? God, please help me.
We are chatting like the other days. Suddenly I turned the topic.
Me : Jeremy, you know, I think I like someone.
Jeremy : Oho, who's that lucky guy?
Me : Why are you calling him lucky?
Jeremy : He must be lucky. Boys don’t get proposals usually, you know.
Me : Oh. I see.
Jeremy : Tell me, tell me. Who's he?
Me : I don’t know how to tell.
Jeremy : Come on, Bella. We share everything with each other and why can't you tell me this?
Me : Because it’s not that easy to say.
Jeremy : Tell me. It will be easy.
Me : The boy I like…
Jeremy : Yeah…
Me : The boy I like…
Jeremy : Come on, tell. Why are you repeating the same line? And why are you so nervous?
Me : Because the boy I like is YOU!
Jeremy : Huh? What?
He seems so confused. And finally I feel relieved. Seems like a burden has gone from me. But I am also feeling shy. I confessed to a boy for the first time.
Me : Yeah, Jeremy. It's you. I like you.
Jeremy : Okay, you should. I am not someone to dislike. Right?

What? What? What did he say? Yes, of course no one can dislike him. But it’s his reply! I was not prepared for this. I became very sad.
Jeremy : Then? You okay?
Me : Yeah.
Jeremy : Sure?
Me : Yeah.
Jeremy : What are you doing now?
Me : Nothing.
Jeremy : Are you sure everything is okay with you?
Me : Yeah.
Jeremy : No, you are not okay. Are you upset? 
Me : No.
He asked me a lot of questions but I replied with flat expressions. I confessed to him but his reply has made me upset. Obviously he would not reply in the positive but I don’t know what's happening. 
I lie down on my bed. Looking at the blue sky through the window. Birds are flying. I wish I could be a bird. Then I had no tension, no sorrow. But it’s not like that. I am a human and I am thinking that a bird's life is better than mine. But of course not. A bird has its own difficulties just like us humans. Every creature has difficulties of their own. Nobody is properly tension free in this cruel world. It’s true that Jeremy has made me upset for a certain time. But he will understand. I know.

[ At night ]
Every night at 8:00 pm, I always wait to take the phone. Because I can chat with Jeremy. But today I am not interested in it. I am also not joining online classes. I am upset with him. I don’t know why. I am thinking, I deserved a better reply from him. I am sitting next to the window. Mom enters the room.
Mom : Why are you sitting here? Don't you have online classes?
Me : I have, mom. But I don’t want to attend. I am not feeling good.
Mom : Are you ill?
Me : No, mom. Just I don’t want to. 
Mom : Anything wrong?
Me : No.
Mom leaves my room. Maybe she understood or not. But yeah something is definitely wrong with me. But how can I say it to mom that I am in love with a senior and I confessed to him but his reply made me sad. How immature! And after knowing this, mom will send me to hell. 
I AM SO ALONE!