Stay With Me

Chapter - 20

[ After 4 days ]
These days, I haven’t talked with Jeremy in a lovely mood. I was feeling so uncomfortable. When you are neglected by someone, you definitely don't want to talk to that person anymore. This happened to me also. But look, Jeremy isn’t even wrong. How can I expect that I would have an " I like you too " type response? He isn’t a playboy afterall. I console my mind and plan to chat with him like before. With a happy face. 

[ In the evening ]
Me : Hi :)
Jeremy : Hello! 
Me : What are you doing?
Jeremy : Chatting with you.
Me : :)
Jeremy : Is your mood fine?
Me : Yeah.
Jeremy : Good.
Me : Jeremy, listen. I am not joking. I like you. Seriously. In fact I think I love you. 
Jeremy : Look, I understand your situation. But I don’t know how I should react to this.
Me : Have you ever been in love?
Jeremy : Of course. But my decision was wrong.
Me : But I love you so much, Jeremy.
Jeremy : Okay.
Me : Not okay.
Jeremy : What do you want then?
Me : I love you and please think about it once. A girl is in love with you. You should understand her feelings.
Jeremy : I don't believe in love, Bella.
Me : What?
Jeremy : Yes, I don’t have good experience at this. I loved someone before but she was never mine. Love is so painful, Bella. I don’t believe in love anymore. It comes with cheating, trust issues, blaming and toxicity.
Me : It comes with peace too.
Jeremy : I don’t think so.
Me : Thanks, Jeremy. I have got your answer.
Jeremy : Okay.
Me : For the last time I want to say that I love you so much.
Jeremy : Bella, look…
Me : No I don’t have to look at anything. I will not text you again, Jeremy. If I text you again, it will create more expectations. 
Jeremy : Bella, I never wanted to stop contacting you. But if you think it will be helpful to you to forget me then it's okay.
Me : I will never forget you. You are not understanding. I am leaving bye. You made me cry.
Jeremy : No, please don’t cry. Sorry, I didn’t understand you. But don't cry, please.
Me : Bye.
Jeremy : Yeah, you are right. I am not understanding you. Of course I can't understand you. Never. Because I don’t know what love is.

I have seen the text but didn’t reply. I went to sleep. I cried so hard that night. My first love…is…gone.

[ The next morning ]

I don’t want to text him. But I also can't control myself. So I went to IG. He has sent a message.
Jeremy : If you want then I can take time.
Me : You have hurt me.
He isn't online. So I also came out of IG. Now I am watching TV.

[ In the evening ]

I opened IG again. 
Jeremy : Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I can take time.
At first I thought of not replying. But then I replied.
Me : It's okay.
He isn’t online. I put down the phone and sit down to study.

[ The next morning ]

I opened my IG.
Jeremy : Sorry I didn’t give you time today.
He sent it yesterday night.
Me : It’s okay.
Jeremy : I had work. So I wasn’t active. 
Me : Okay.
Jeremy : Bella, look. I want some time. I want to know more about you. Then I can make a decision. 
Me : Okay, I admire your decision. Yes, you can take time.
Jeremy : Thanks, Bella.
I am happy. He is wanting time. I also want to. We will get to know each other better. 
Me : But I love you :)
Jeremy : :)
That's how I proposed to my first love. I wanted to make it better. But I couldn't. When we meet next, I will propose to him in real life. Not virtually anymore.