Tough Love, Johnny Cade (Jally)

Twenty-Two: Ashes

"Johnny-"

And then he was cut off, replaced by the vision of a different place. The lights were bright, the ceiling glowing. And I remembered it all, everything. Every last detail.

I remembered everything we'd gone through over the past few months, how it had really happened. June 15th, I'd gone to that parade with Ponyboy. I'd already seen it before, and that's why it made me feel strange. On June 16th, I'd left Soda's flannel at my house, and on June 20th, I'd thought I ruined Two-Bit's birthday by showing up bruised. However, how things had really happened, Dally had never yelled at me, we'd never spent the night at Tim's or seen that horrible romance movie or gone to Cattleman's.

And today, July 2, as it had really happened, we stayed at the Curtis' all day. Just two friends, sitting on the couch with our other two friends. We never set foot into the storm. Two days later, we celebrated Independence Day. Three months later, we sat behind two girls at the Nightly Double, leading to the wildest night of our lives.

It became so obvious to me, what had happened. All of the visions I had seen, all the dreams, they were all things that had happened. So when I saw the gang, Steve, Soda, Two-Bit and Darry, with the flowers and the tissues, I had seen Dally in casket.

I was dead, and Dally was dead. We had been dead the whole time.

And now, we were stuck in the months leading up to our death. And we couldn't stay here forever.

I opened my eyes. Dally was looking at me. He wiped at the rain and the tears on my face. There was no rain falling on me now, and Dally's shirt and hair seemed to be drying by the second. Mine too, and it was strange because I could feel it.

"Johnny," he met my eyes. "It's time we let go."

I looked at him. Then I looked around us. We weren't on the lot anymore. The world around us was endless grey, like a void that went on forever. The floor was black, shiny, like marble. But the most noticeable thing was the flakes falling from above. Snow? Was my first thought, but when they landed on me, they didn't hurt, they just broke into smaller flakes.

Ashes.

I turned my attention back to Dallas. He had ashes in his hair, clinging to his shirt.

"Why are we still here?" I asked him quietly.

Dally looked off into the distance thoughtfully. "I don't have all the answers." He said slowly, carefully. He was still congested from crying, and so was I. "But it has something to do with the way we died. Neither of us were really ready to go."

"I wasn't ready to go." I admitted. "But I was okay with it."

"I was originally ready to go." Dally said quietly. "But I think I somehow knew you wouldn't be. And I couldn't leave you behind, the point was to be with you."

I looked at him thoughtfully. "What about everyone else? The gang? We're they just illusions the whole time?"

"I've thought about that." Dally ran his hands through his hair, letting it fall onto his face. "I think they're created off what we know about them. They aren't really fake, but they're only real to us."

"Meaning that they're actually still living life how it's supposed to be? After we died?"

Dally smiled softly and nodded. I couldn't help but smile too.

"Good." I said. "I'm glad."

I looked back up at Dally. He looked like he wanted to cry again.

"You're scared." I said. It wasn't a question.

"A little." He admitted. "We don't really know what comes next."

"We'll both be there." I told him. "I promise."

"You can't know that." Dally said. He was still smiling a little, but he was crying.

It suddenly occurred to me that Dally and I were never different. We'd always thought we were the opposite, always wished we could be like the other. The truth was, it's possible no one could have been more alike. And now here we were. Dally a fragile, scared soul, afraid of what's around the corner. And me, ready to accept it, to take it on. It was strange, yet poetic, how at the very end, we were able to give each other what we thought we were missing in ourselves.

I thought about the rest of the gang. How much they had given up for me, how much they had cared for both me and Dally. I thought about their lives now. Soda wasn't putting ice on my bruises anymore. And Two-Bit wasn't going to Buck's to have a drink with Dally. Pony wasn't saving that one cigarette for me.

But I knew they were all alive, and I knew they were living the perfect lives they were supposed to. Because they weren't stuck in the past, they were living a future. Even if it hurt a little, and even if I couldn't see it, it made me happy that it would happen. And that, well, that gave me closure.

I looked back at Dally. It was his turn. The question was obvious.

It wasn't about where. It wasn't about when. It was about, whatever comes next, if he'd be there with me.

"I guess we'll find out, yeah?" He said. He smiled through a light sob. It was almost like he knew what I was thinking. I think that he did, actually.

"Yeah, we will." I said.

There was a soft glow from our left. We looked at it. It was a doorway, filled with light and color- I'd never seen the colors before, and I didn't know what to call them.

Dally's hand was on my face, turning my head. I met his eyes. They reflected mine. Dallas smiled- his hair was still away from his face, dried from being pulled back. His whole face looked a new kind of soft, so gentle, so pretty, but even so, he still looked like Dally.

He leaned in and kissed me, slow and gentle. His lips were warm. When he pulled away, I brought a hand up and ran it over his hair. Then without a word, I took his hand. We walked. The marble was cold on my bare feet, but his hand was warm. We didn't stop until we stood in front of the door.

We looked at each other, not saying anything. Dally was crying, and I was too. Hesitantly.

We stepped through.

The first thing I saw was a halo.
It was made of white-blonde hair, and it smelled of cigarettes.

END