The Truth About Love

CHAPTER 38: SAMANTHA

September 14, 1997

Life has been a mixture of things.
Busy, ever-changing, confusing, fulfilling and stressful.

On August 20, 1993, I gave birth to Colleen Brianna O'Reilly. She was 10 pounds, 1 ounce and 22 inches long.
She was two weeks overdue, but like her momma, she takes her time.
She also didn't make a grand entrance like her big sister did. Thank goodness.

I can't believe that was four years ago. It seems writing has been becoming harder and harder to do.
You decide if that's a good or bad thing.

I'm going to tell you honestly. I often worried of the feelings I would have had for her once she was born.
I thought I would resent her, because she wasn't part Alexander.
I thought I may see a loss I carried with me deep in my bones when I looked at her, because she wasn't part Alexander.
I thought I may not love her as much as I do Delilah, because she wasn't part Alexander.

That wasn't the case.
That wasn't the case at all.

I love her no matter what or who she is not.
As I love her for what and who she is.
And I also love her for what and who she is a part of.
Although she is not part Alexander.

I will never say I love one child more than the other, because I really don't. I love my children equally. But she holds a special kind of love. A love I don't share with Delilah.
Because she is not part Alexander.

You see, loving Alexander was natural and written in the stars. So obviously, so was loving Delilah. Loving Colleen was different. It was a falling in love for the first time kind of different. A love I feared that may never come, hit me so hard when I first looked down at my beautiful brown eyed girl. Brown eyes that match my own. Along with curly blonde waves that match Dan's. And a face that has a mixture of both of our features. She even resembles Grace a bit.

I love Colleen delicately though as well. Delilah loved me naturally because she is part Alexander. It was written in the stars.
With Colleen I'm almost scared to love her so hard, that she may just simply not return the gesture. But I do love her so. I do. I love her laugh, a giggle that can make a whole crowd turn to see the face of who could possibly have such a sweet and angelic laugh. I love her big brown eyes, that are always full of wonder and sprit.
I love her innocence too. She is so merry and joyful always. But shy and calm as well.

Delilah always held an intensity and seriousness, similar to Alexander's. Also a strange sense of humor and mischief I anticipate each day. She is a scholar in the making and is beyond her years, but wild just like Alexander. Never shy and always looking for companionship in anyone.

And it's strange how two complete opposites can hold my heart so equally.

Dan and me are still happily married. And we are still the best of friends. We get along so well and can likely finish each other's sentences.
He has recently become successful and now represents a series of banks throughout the city.
We just brought a house in the suburbs. It is a large colonial home, three times the size of the one I grew up in. It has four bedrooms and three baths. It has a very large backyard and an inground pool. We will be moving in some time next month.
He takes good care of us all.
We even have two new cars. One for him and one for me. Not buicks. He owns a Lincoln, and purchased a Volvo for me.
He spoils me senseless.
He does the same for our girls.

But here's the thing.
Colleen couldn't be bothered. She's only four years old and would rather walk around in her dress up princess dress with her glittery converse sneakers. She doesn't care about taming her curls or any of that other stuff little girls love wholeheartedly. She will literally jump in the mud and still feel content enough to stroll along through the mall.
She is just like me. Well who I used to be.