The Truth About Love

CHAPTER 43: SAMANTHA

December 19, 2001

It has been over two years since I have last wrote. A lot has happened.

Cars have been fixed and replaced.
Clothes have been outgrown and thrown away. And we even redecorated our bathroom.
I know, irrelevant.

My children have been growing too fast, and living their lives happily, without their crazy mother by their side.

Delilah is fifteen now and blooming into a bright young woman. Colleen is eight and hating me.

Yes, my youngest daughter hates me.
Hate is a strong word, let's just say she struggles with loving me. She doesn't voice it, but I know the mini clone of me all too well, to know she isn't fond of me. She is so young, but somehow sees right through me. So she is wary, and at the same time has become just as distant as I had.
I can't say I blame her.
But I can say I love her more for it.

In other news, almost a year and a half ago something happened. This something has brought about a big change in the O'Reilly home.

I fell in love with Dan.
Yes, a woman of my age has the ability to fall in love. Yes, I know I had always loved Dan, but I fell IN love with him.

Something I feel I was owed after all of this time. Something I feel he was owed after all of this time as well.

On my fortieth birthday, this something happened.

Prior to that we had been spending a lot of time together after I ended my affair with Alexander.
I'll call it an affair now, because I am of age.
We went to events hosted by the bank, we went out with some friends we've made in town, we've had family nights with the girls, and we have even had date nights with just us two.
Nothing too out of the ordinary.

Then there was that night in Maine.
It was a little over a year after the affair ended exactly, that it happened.

For my birthday, Dan sent Colleen to Mar and Rob's house and Delilah to Alexander and Cassidy's house. He took me to Maine, for a two day stay with just us two.

It was the first time we had been alone as a couple outside of our home since our honeymoon. We vacationed with the kids, had alone time at home, and even did dinner from time to time.
But never this.

After spending our time there wrapped up in each other and enjoying our freedom from responsibility, we spent our last night wrapped in blankets on the terrace of our hotel room.
We had wine and music.
We had the warm breeze hitting our skin.
We had each other.

After drinking too much and partaking in some deep conversation we got down to business. I was staring into the night when he said it. It was unexpected and out of nowhere. But he did say it. The words that changed everything.

"I love you Samantha. I know you know this, but you'll never know how much. I loved the Samantha before, but I love the Samantha now too. The one who took all of her pain and pocketed it to move forward with some dopey banker."
I looked up at him a little thrown off balance, but he continued,
"I had always loved you. Since the moment I met you, I think. Perhaps after my first glimpse of you beforehand. From when you befriended my Gracie, to when you spilt cheerios on my and Jenna's couch and covered it with a throw pillow for us to find later."
I laughed at loud, mortified that he saw me do that and even remembered it after all of this time.
He went on though,
"When you took me in after she died and Jenna left me, how you came barging in my room with hot chocolate and folded sheets, saying, 'chocolate is the number one cure for a broken heart, clean sheets are just the cherry on top.' I loved you when I tried teaching you how to cook and you nearly burned the place down. I even loved you while you loved Alexander. In a way I took you away from him, and I'll never tell you aloud how, but I know you already know."
I was crying at that point with my arms around my knees on the small chair, as he looked at me from his place, standing at the railing, facing me.
"It was Jenna's funeral, and instead of mourning her loss, I was hoping my best friend, brother for that matter would fuck up. I wanted him to mess things up worse so than he did by getting locked up, and then he did. I'm sorry, and I know you love him more. I know you have been unfaithful to our marriage, and have often wished for him to be by your side and not me, but I love you anyways. I always did."
"I didn't kno-'" I tried to say, but he cut me off and kept going,
"You knew. But your heart blinded you to it. I saw the way you looked at me when I gave you that pin. A pin I bought for you long before I said I did. I bought it for you long before Jenna even left me. I don't even think I truly loved Jenna. Because once you came into my life, I knew what love really was. I think I was just hung up on her from high school, and in shock that I actually had her. I loved her as the mother of our daughter, until she wasn't. Then there was you. And she saw it, she sent me packing and right to you. So I want you to know you are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I'm so happy you were born. Happy birthday."
I sat there stunned. I knew he didn't need a response. I knew he didn't expect one, for that matter.