British comedian oneshots

Grape. (Joe Thomas x you)

Title is based on one of my favourite taskmaster moments oat i love u joe thomas

anyway enjoy

The living room was filled with silence, aside from the blunt noise of your fingertips tapping on your phone screen. You look at the clock. 7:23. Things had become weirdly peaceful considering that your boyfriend, Joe had been slaving away in the kitchen for the past 3 hours. He's not exactly the Jamie Oliver of the comedy community, so for the past three days you've both been eating 'grape and babybel' platters. However, after a long day at work, and insisting your stomach cannot handle any more grapey babybel, he insisted on cooking you both mac and cheese for tea.

Great.

So here, you find yourself lying on the sofa, praying that joe hasn't blown up your spice rack. After all, mac and cheese can't be that hard. You smile to yourself briefly, and continue mindlessly scrolling through social media.
"Only a few minutes now, Y/n!" Joe shouts from the kitchen.
"Okay!" You yell back. This reassurance from Joe made the next 2 1/2 hours of screaming, crying and whisking noises practically fly by. (Do you even need a whisk for mac and cheese? Jesus christ wtf is this boy doing)

Suddenly, Joe bursts into the living room, arms spread and a cheeky grin on his face. He pulls one of his hands down to wipe the beads of sweat off his forehead.
"Bon appetite!"
You have to admit, it's cute when he looks so proud of himself.
He pulls a bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other from behind his back. In front of you was a bowl of what you could only call 'slop'. The attempted cheese sauce acted as more of a broth, containing black, shrivelled pieces of what used to be pasta. Joe gives you a sheepish look and gestures for you to dig in. Oh jesus.
You take it from him gratefully, and stir the soup around in the bowl.
"Go on then," He nods, "Give it a try."
Slowly, you place the spoonful in your mouth.
Oh jesus.
Honestly, you wish you could say you now understood the phrase 'don't judge a book by it's cover' but this mac and cheese is starting to taste more like 'there are plenty of fish in the sea'. Joe scans your face for any sign of emotion.
"Hm."You say, trying to swallow the spoon of pure horror.
"So?" Joe replies, smiling. "Was it good? Did I do a good job? Actually, don't answer that: I don't want to know." You sit in silence for a moment.
"No. Maybe I do want to know. Maybe my cooking skills aren't as bad as I thought! I could be the next Gordon Ramsey, Y/n. Well, you know what I mean. Not as angry or sexy as Gordon Ramsey, but maybe if I can cook I can make a career out of it on the telly, right, Y/n? It's good, right?"
Again, silence. In return, you give him a pitiful smile, and slide the bowl away from you.
"Oh." He looks disappointed. "Not so good then. Sorry."
"It's alright, Joe."
Silence, again.
"Do I do enough around here, Y/n?"
"What?"
"I mean, we've been living together for ages now. I feel like I don't pull my weight enough. Do you feel like that, Y/n?"
"Of course not, Joe. Don't be silly." You reply, not really processing what he was saying. You pull your phone out from your pocket again.
"I mean," He continues, sitting himself shoulder to shoulder on the couch next to you. "You're just so good at everything. Like, really good. You do all of the cooking and the cleaning and you work so hard and then, on top of all that, you still have time for me."
"Of course I do." You reply. "I love you."
He rests his head on your shoulder.
"Am I good enough for you, Y/n"
"What?"
"Am I good enough for you?"
"Of course. Stop being so self-deprecating. You're worrying me."
A soggy patch of tears begins to accumulate on the shoulder of your t-shirt.
"Oh Joe, don't cry-"
He buries his head further in the crook of your neck and wraps his arms around your stomach. You soothingly rub his back to calm him down.
The two of you stay like that for some time, until your stomach begins to grumble.
"Oh, Jesus!" Joe exclaims. "I forgot to feed you." You both begin to giggle quietly.
"Shit!" He laughs. "How did we forget?
"That's alright. I wasn't that hungry anyway." You lie.
"Oh, come on. You have to eat something."
"Well, what's in the fridge?"
...
"Grapes?"