British comedian oneshots

Birthday (Chris Addison x Y/n)

Hi everyoneeeee
I haven't been able to get into my account for months but I have been working on a couple chapters for u lot whilst i've been gone 😋😋
Kind of a short one sorry
Hope u enjoy xxx
f/c = favourite colour

Y/n stood by herself with her eyes closed in the garden of her house, adorned with a (f/c) pointy hat and badge reading 'it's my birthday!'. It certainly didn't feel like it. Out of all of her birthdays, this was the first one she'd spent without sight, waiting for her boyfriend, Chris, to stop faffing about around the house. He was the reason her eyes were currently shut, his only reason being 'it's a big surprise!'. Certainly didn't feel like it.
"Chris, it's my birthday." She said, irritated. "Did you not think about this before now? If you're making something up on the spot I won't be annoyed. Can I open my eyes yet?"
"Of course you can't open your eyes yet!" He stated the obvious, "It's a big-"
"Surprise, yep. Understood." She tapped her foot on the ground impatiently, listening to him move around her.

"Ready!" He shouted in her ear, causing her to flinch.
"You're such an arsehole."
"Wait until you see this, then. Open your eyes."
Y/n blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the soft light of the evening, along with the fairy lights that Chris had arranged around the garden.
"Awww, fairy lights?" She smiled.
"Yes, fairy lights! This is my attempt at being romantic."
"It's working very well."
In front of her, Chris had spread a plethora of flower petals in a path that wound across the garden and ended at the shed. It didn't take her long to reach the end of it. After all, their garden wasn't big, and Chris was holding her waist, forcing her to walk faster whilst shouting "Chop, chop!" in her ear.
The two of them stopped in front of the shed, and Y/n let her boyfriend open the door in front of her.

"Ta-daaaaa!" He made jazz hands towards the dimly-lit room. Inside was a small, picnic table, draped in a red, gingham tablecloth that Chris liked to call a 'big napkin', accompanied by two comfy looking kitchen chairs and countless candles, which, aside from the moon, were the only thing providing any light to the room. Upon the table were two bowls of tomato pasta and a large vase of Y/n's favourite flower. On the wall were many photos that her and Chris had taken together throughout the five years you'd been dating.  Their first date, the beach, Christmases; all perfectly framed.
"Wow" She whispered. "It's beautiful." Her eyes were on the scene in front of her. His eyes were fixed on her.
"Take a seat, then!" He pulled out a chair and with his hands on her shoulders, sits her down. He takes the seat in front of her.

The couple sat and chatted for a while, just about general things like music and politics and the Kardashians, surrounded by the chilly air of the evening and the warm glow of the candlelight.
"Thank you for dinner, Chris" Y/n said, sweetly smiling at him with a sauce-stained mouth.
"My pleasure, sweetheart," He said, before pulling her in for a peck on the lips. "Happy birthday."
Drunkenly,two of them walked through the garden again, arms linked, giggling like children. They tripped over each other's feet as they crunched the flower petals beneath them. Suddenly, Chris stopped outside of the patio door.
"Y/n?" He said, instantly sounding quite serious.
"Mhm?"
He lowered himself to the floor, using her thigh to stop himself from falling over, and gazed up at her. He fumbled his hands around in his jacket pockets.
"Chris? What are you doing?"
He finally pulled a small black box from his inside pocket, and opened it up to reveal a gorgeous, silver ring.
"Y/n. I love you very much."
He smiled. Her hands covered her gaping mouth.
"Happy birthday. Will you marry me?"