✧⁠*⁠。𝙷𝚊𝚒𝚔𝚢𝚞𝚞!! 𝙶𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚙 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚝 ✧⁠*⁠。

ᴅʀᴜɴᴋ ʙᴏᴋᴜᴀᴋᴀ ♡ ∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠°

Drunk Bokuto.

--
Bokuto: AKAASHI

Akaashi: Huh

Bokuto: HELP THERE'S A ORANGE THING

Akaashi: Orange thing..?

Bokuto: IT'S MOVING IN A SMALL TOILET BOWL THINGY

Akaashi: Bokuto, you okay?

Bokuto: YESN'T
Bokuto: AKAASHI COME EAT IT FOR ME

Akaashi: What-

Bokuto: THE GREEN THING

Akaashi: It's green now?
Akaashi: Thought it was orange

Bokuto: IT'S BEEN PURPLE

Akaashi: Bokuto, are you sure that was apple juice you drank?

Bokuto: WHAT EVEN IS APPLEBEE'S JUICE??

Akaashi: ... Applebee's?

Bokuto: YEAH

Akaashi: Bokuto, your caps-

Bokuto: CAPS?
Bokuto: LIKE CAPITAL STATES AND STUFF??

Akaashi: What? No. You're caps lock.

Bokuto: WHY ARE MY LETTERS BIG AND SCREAMING

Akaashi: I'll just wait this out.
Akaashi: Bokuto, go to sleep.

Bokuto: WHY?? >:(

Akaashi: You realize you're drunk, right?

Bokuto: SAYS WHO?
Bokuto: I HAVE MY RIGHTS
Bokuto: AND MY LEFTS

...

Bokuto: AKAASHI?
Bokuto: OH NO, I KILLED HIM
Bokuto: NOOOOAAAAAAAH

Akaashi: Who is Noah?

Bokuto: ALADDIN
Bokuto: AKAASHINS
Bokuto: AAAAAAAAAKASH

Akaashi: Akaashi.
Akaashi: Yeah?

Bokuto: THE GRAY SMALL THING IS CHASING MEE
Bokuto: AND THE TOILET BOWL

Akaashi: It's gray now?

Bokuto: NO, IT'S ORANGE, DOOPY WOOPY

Akaashi: ... Bokuto.
Akaashi: That's a fish bowl.

--
Drunk Akaashi.

--
Akaashi: boUKTRO
Akaashi: Boyoutoes
Akaashi: WHY WON'T MY FINGERS MOVIES
Akaashi: MOVE**

Bokuto: Someone's a little different today...

Akaashi: Bokuto, calm down
Akaashi: I need to tell you something
Akaashi: Don't freak out though

Bokuto: Ok :)

Akaashi: I'm pregnant.

Bokuto: PFFFHAHA- WHAT??

Akaashi: YOU BROKE OUR PROMISE
Akaashi: I TOLD YOU NOT TO FREAK OUT??

Bokuto: Akaashi, you're what?

Akaashi: GREGNANT
Akaashi: PREGRGNAT
Akaashi: BOKUTO COME HERE
Akaashi: THE BABY

Bokuto: Wait what?
Bokuto: We're... in the same room.

Akaashi: BOKUTO, YOU'RE AN OWL

Bokuto: Ik! :)

Akaashi: NO, AN ACTUAL LIVING, BREATHING, FEATHERY OWL

Bokuto: Why, thank you! <3

Akaashi: Are you okay?

Bokuto: Nono, Akaashi, are you okay..?
Bokuto: You're the one that thinks you're pregnant.
Bokuto: But you're a boy

Akaashi: HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE BABY
Akaashi: NO WAIT, I THINK IT'S YOURS
Akaashi: BROYOURTOES

Bokuto: Bokuto** :]

Akaashi: THE KID IS NOT MY SON

Bokuto: SHE SAID I AM THE ONE

Akaashi: What?

Bokuto: What?
Bokuto: Oh, I thought it was a Michael Jackson reference.
Bokuto: Aw :(

Akaashi: No, seriously, the kid is not my son.
Akaashi: I think it's yours

Bokuto: Akaashi, lay down and rest
Bokuto: The baby will be gone :)

Akaashi: THAT'S CHILD ENDANGERMENT, BRODY

Bokuto: Brody..??

Akaashi: BOKUTO**
Akaashi: YOU WANT TO GET RID OF YOUR BABY?
Akaashi: NO WAIT IT'S OURS

Bokuto: Wait, wait. Slow down real quick-

Akaashi: I'M NOT PAYING FOR CHILD SUPPORT, BOKUTO
Akaashi: LEAVE IT OR TAKE IT, OR IT'S THE ORPHANAGE.

Bokuto: Akaashi-
Bokuto: You're not pregnant :')

Akaashi: Wait really?

Bokuto: Yeah

Akaashi: Oh, good.

Bokuto: So wait, that's it?
Bokuto: I told you this whole time that you weren't pregnant...

Akaashi: I'M PREGNANT??

Bokuto: NO-

--
Both owls drunk :)

--
Bokuto: Hey, Akaashrimpy..

Akaashi: Hmm?

Bokuto: Did you know that fire trucks are technically water trucks?

Akaashi: Wait REALLY??

Bokuto: IKR?
Bokuto: I never knew that!

Akaashi: Is it because fire trucks are blue, but we just see orange?

Bokuto: I think you mean red

Akaashi: No, it's orange

Bokuto: Fire trucks aren't fruit, I thought...

Akaashi: The color orange

Bokuto: Oooohhh...
Bokuto: Isn't it weird that we walk dogs, and dogs don't walk us?

Akaashi: I think that's the law to mother nature

Bokuto: Stop being a "know it all" >:(
Bokuto: It's ruining my career

Akaashi: You have a career?

Bokuto: Yeah! A stand-up comedian.
Bokuto: Look, here's an example.

Akaashi: Ooooh, sounds cool.

Bokuto: Why did the bike fall over?

...

Bokuto: Say 'why'

Akaashi: Why?

Bokuto: Because it was too.. TIRED.
Bokuto: JAJAJAJAJAJA

Akaashi: HA, tired. I get it.

Bokuto: Hey, Akaaaa..

Akaashi: Yesssss..?

Bokuto: Give me smooches :)

Akaashi: Mm, okay.

Bokuto: No wait
Bokuto: Give me huggie

Akaashi: Okay.

Bokuto: No wait
Bokuto: Give me massageies

Akaashi: ... Okay.

Bokuto: No waaaait...

Akaashi: MAKE UP YOUR MIND

Bokuto: I have no mind, my friend! :D

Akaashi: Woah... that makes sense.

...

Akaashi: Bokuto, did you just pass out..?

✿✿✿

Akaashi later deleted all the text messages.