Hard to Love ~ JJ Maybank

Well,Well,Well 𝟙𝟟

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The paramedics had taken John B away in the ambulance with Sarah by his side. I wish I was in the right state of mind because I would have begged to go with him. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted it to be me in that ambulance. I wanted to be right by his side when he woke up in the hospital, that is if he would wake up. What if he didn't? What if the last memory I have of him is us fighting? My head was spinning and my heart was racing and I felt like I was going to throw up at any second. I was so mad at JJ for not telling me about Sarah I didn't even want to be around him and I certainly didn't want to go back to the Chateau after everything that happened. I just wanted to be alone. Well, at least away from the Pogues. I was honestly scared of myself, not sure if that feeling would come back and what I'd do if it did. But I knew it was best if I wasn't around any of them if it did. I just had to go home, even if that would put me in a worse situation, but at least my friends would be safe from me. JJ put the van in park outside of Heyward's after dropping off Kie at her house. None of us had said one word to each other the whole ride from the Hawk's Nest until now.

Pope opened the passenger door to the van and stepped out, turning around to face JJ, "Uh... just let me know if you hear anything about how he's doing."

JJ quickly glanced in the rearview mirror to check on me, then over to Pope, "Yeah... yeah I got you." Pope gave an uncomfortable smile and an even more awkward wave before shutting the door and walking away.

I curled up in the back of the van, bringing my legs to my chest and put my head on my knees. JJ backed out of the driveway, pulling onto the main road. Once I could feel we were getting closer to John B's I picked up my head, looking in the rearview mirror to meet his eyes, "Can you just take me home?"

JJ's eyes flickered between the mirror and the road as his face scrunched in confusion, "You mean John B's, right?"

"No, JJ. My house, just drop me off there," I mumbled, sliding my legs away from my chest to sit up in my seat. I knew he was going to be upset and not understand why I had to but I just couldn't let him get hurt if I went back to that person I was at the Hawk's Nest.

JJ chuckled, keeping his eyes on the road, "Yeah, no. I'm not taking you there. You're out your damn mind."

I rolled my eyes huffing out a sigh in annoyance, "I don't wanna do this with you right now, just take me home." He shook his head practically ignoring me, and at this point I was so fed up with all the bullshit I snapped. "Take me home," I waited for him to turn down my road but he kept driving. I shifted in my seat, my voice getting louder, "Take me home, JJ!" I could see his jaw clench as he readjusted his grip on the steering wheel, clearly trying to hold back whatever it was he wanted to say. "Take. Me. Home."  Nothing. He said absolutely nothing, he just continued to drive down the road.

The silence that filled the van infuriated me as I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep myself calm not wanting to reach that uncontrollable rage again. JJ pulled into the driveway at the Chateau, but I wanted nothing more than to not have to be here right now. He put the van in park and opened the driver's side door and stepped out. I sat there for a moment contemplating what to do as I watched him slowly walk towards the house. I slid back the van door and put one foot on the grass glancing at JJ to make sure he wasn't paying me any attention, before taking a deep breath and sprinting up the driveway. JJ was too quick though as he came around the side of the house stopping me in my tracks. I should have known it wouldn't have been that easy to get away from him, like he knew I was gonna run.