"Did you know that if you have a fear for something, that fear can turn into a trigger for anxiety?" Aleks asked James one day, both of them walking around in the field behind the office.
"Yeah. I learned about that in high school," James said, stopping to look at Aleks with a small smile.
"Oh. Well I just learned it, and I think it's safe to say I have an anxiety for getting anxiety," Aleks said, his arms crossing in front of his chest.
"So you have anxiety because you are afraid of having anxiety? Doesn't that mean you're always anxious?" James asked, and Aleks paused.
"Yes."
"You have problems, you know that right?"
"Yes."
"Why don't you get help?"
"I don't need help, I need a listener," Aleks started with a small smile, " And you, James, are a good listener."
"Okay, but you talk about depressing things," James pointed out, and Aleks nodded.
"I talk about depressing things because those things are all I know," Aleks said softly, and James sighed.
"I'm serious, Aleks. You need help. I think you have depression or something and I know that you think up crazy shit and it's really scaring me," James said with a wavering voice, his heart beating fast as Aleks stared at him in disgust.
"I'm not going to a fucking doctor just for them to tell me what I already know. I've been through it all, and those pills may work, but the side effects aren't worth it. I would throw up, okay? Get sick and not be able to eat, all to feel a sense of artificial happiness that some scientist made in a lab. James, talking to you helps me, but going to a doctor and a psychiatrist won't help me. I'm getting through this on my own, and I don't need you, someone who doesn't even know what I'm thinking, to tell me how to treat myself. I treat myself, not you, not some guy with a degree, me."
James nodded, taking a shaky breath before saying, "Okay, Aleks, whatever you want." Aleks nodded, closing his eyes to calm down.
"Okay, good. Now let's finish walking please, it isn't clearing my mind anymore," he muttered, and both men continued to walk, James leaving behind the hopes of Aleks finding actual help.
~~~~~
Short chapter cause I'm lost
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Fanfic"Sometimes, I just want to... stop breathing." Aleks gave a sharp, pitiful laugh with his words, shaking his head. "You're drunk." "No, I'm not," he croaked, lips trembling. Silence fell between them. "But I really wish I was." __________ Note: dr...
