Wow this was a finished part I just abandoned AND WRITTEN LIKE 2 YEARS AGO
Original title: oh darling just listen to my pleas and judge me after all is done
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These chapter names are long hahaha
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"James."
"Yes?"
"James, please come over."
"Aleks?"
"Come! James, I can't handle it anymore, please."
"Aleks, I need you to calm down-"
"Don't tell me to calm down because I'm sitting here in a pool of blood and I don't even know how I ended up here. James just hurry the fuck up, please."
*call disconnected*
"Aleks?"
///
One hour later, and Aleks was in a hospital bed, dark circles under his eyes and bandages on his arms. James was beside him, sitting in silence and waiting for Aleks to speak. It had been like this for the entire day, both men not talking, only staring at each other with a wanting that was unknown to both of them. Maybe that's why they didn't break that silence, because they both wanted to see just how long the other could last.
"I'm sorry-"
"Aleks, shut the fuck up," James said harshly, his gaze cold and unwavering.
"But-"
"Shut up. I don't want your bullshit apologies, I don't need them. But you know who does need them? The guys, you family, your fans. None of us have uploaded and because one stupid person saw me walking in with you in my arms, everyone's worried," James said, show n Aleks a blurry photo that a fan had taken when James was walking in with Aleks after he called.
"I'm sorry," Aleks croaked, tears forming in his eyes.
"I don't want you to apologize, it doesn't mean shit. Nothing you say will take away the feeling of your limp weight in my arms. Can you imagine that? Carrying your best friend in your arms as they're dying? No, you can't, but I can, and I never want to remember that again," James said with a hoarse voice, his hands shaking by his sides. Aleks opened his mouth to speak, but covered his mouth, sobs shaking his thinning body. James just shook his head, and turned around, leaving both the room and Aleks behind.
"I'm so sorry,"
///
Three days and one prescription later, Aleks was as good as new. Well, as good as a dying boy could be. James still hadn't spoken to him, and the lack of words between them made Aleks want to chug his entire bottle of pills that he was taking. But he didn't, he wouldn't, he couldn't.
After a week of no talking, Aleks had enough. He got up, walking over to James' office and knocking on the door. No response. He looked through the window, and saw James sitting at his desk with headphones covering his ears.
"James?" Aleks called out softly, knowing there was no way he would ever be heard. But it was okay with him, because he really just wanted to talk to him, even if he didn't hear.
"I-I didn't mean it, I swear. It was just that my mind was screaming and shouting, creating illusions that made me believe that everyone would be better off without me dragging them down. I mean, I guess that was proven when you had to carry me, my dead weight dragging you down. I didn't ask to be this way, and I definitely don't want to be this way, but I can promise you this- I'll try to get better. I'm taking the medication, and staying away from drinking even though it's killing me not to drown those thoughts, but I'm doing it. I'm doing it for you, all for you. But just one request, and I know you're not listening but it's okay, it's fine. I just need you to know that it would be nice if you at least said hello to me, because when you speak to me, I feel warmer, happier, better, and I really think you could be part of my therapy." Aleks took a deep breath, wiping away tears he didn't even know were there. "Thank you for listening," Aleks said.
***
"Thank you for listening..."
James closed his eyes, inhaling before grabbing his phone. He quickly typed the message, sending it to Aleks after a few seconds. Then he turned back to his computer, and pressed play on the music that he had paused when he heard the knock on the door.
***
Aleks jumped up when he heard his phone buzz, wiping at his eyes again before glancing at the screen, a smile instantly spreading across his face.
>Hello<
- James W @ 1:04am
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fuck this fic is slowly killing me
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Damn I was a shittier writer than I am now how is that possible
YOU ARE READING
Unknown |not cont.|
Fanfiction"Sometimes, I just want to... stop breathing." Aleks gave a sharp, pitiful laugh with his words, shaking his head. "You're drunk." "No, I'm not," he croaked, lips trembling. Silence fell between them. "But I really wish I was." __________ Note: dr...
