Desire - Jan Peteh

The Night

"Lilah!!" drunk Kris is the first thing I see coming at us when we step through the door. He hugs me tightly. "Did you enjoy the concert?" he asks, enthusiastically.

"I loved it!" I reply with just as much enthousiasm.

"I'm so glad!" I feel someone lightly grab me by my shoulders to lead me away. "We'll just be sobering up over there," Jan points over to the couch in the middle of the room. We greet the rest of the people backstage while we walk over there, it's very busy.

He sits me down. "I'll go get you some water and something better to wear,"

He comes back, carrying a glass of icy cold water, a beer for himself, and a black hoodie. I immediately chug the water.

"Should you be drinking more? I mean, look at what it did to me," I mumble.

"I'm guessing our alcohol tolerances are slightly different," he grins, while taking a sip.

I try to put on the hoodie, but get stuck in it. Pffft, I can't even do this. I'm just about sober enough to realise how embarrassing this is.. Jan helps me pull it over my head.

Finally warm, my eyes start to get heavy and I slide down the couch.

"Whoa, whoa. What are you doing," he puts his drink down and helps me up.

"I'm tired," I look him up and down and lay my head on his shoulder. I kind of surprise myself with this move but he's just so nice and warm.

His body stiffens at first, but then he carefully puts his arm around me. I lean into it, no longer wanting to resist his touches. I'm way too tired to be bitchy right now.

I wake up, first I don't recognise where I am but then I remember. I feel slightly better, thankfully. Kris is now sitting next to me and Jan has pulled me in even closer. He's softly stroking my arm. Bojan, Jure, Nace, Mark and Vita are sitting on the other side, across from us. They're quietly talking to each other. All the other people that were here before seem to have left.

I make eye contact with Bojan, who's sitting back in his chair.

"Look who's awake," he smiles. I rub my eyes and let out a soft chuckle.

"Hey. How long was I out for?"

"Not even half an hour," I hear Jan say, our faces are closer to each other as I expected so the loudness of his voice scares me for a second. I pull back from his embrace and sit up.

"Oh," I reply. "Well, I feel better!"

"Yeah, I think we've all calmed down a bit," Nace, says, eyeing Kris. I like drunk Kris. He seems so unhinged, it's almost scary.

I feel some dried op drool on the side of my face. I quickly try to wipe it off.

"Oh I'm sorry you guys had to see that. I look so ugly drunk-sleeping,"

Jan looks down at me. "You didn't look ugly," his gaze is so intense it almost makes me faint on the spot. God, what is happening to me tonight????

In the corner of my eyes, I see Bojan and Jure look at each other, frowning. 

I look away, down at my phone, which I haven't done in a couple hours. I have a bunch of texts from Drea but I'm still too fuzzy to read them properly.

We stay there for another half hour or so, until it's 2AM and the guys decide it's time to go home. At first I think; isn't it a bit early? But then I realise we have a 1,5 hour car ride ahead of us. Thinking about work tomorrow afternoon makes me feel physically ill. Or, maybe that's the beer. 

"You can ride in front if you want?" Bojan offers.

"She won't," Jan answers for me.

"Hey!" I look at him angrily.

"I want to be able to keep an eye on you,"

"Oh, we're worried now, are we?" I ask sarcastically. He lightly scoffs.

"Just... stay in the back with me," I look him in the eyes a couple seconds. I'm still cold, so I guess it is nice to be in the back next to Jan and Kris.

"Fine,"

Jan, Kris and I sit down in the back of the car, Kris roughly bumping into me as he sits down.

"Sorry Lilah," he immediately apologises.

"It's fine," I laugh. He's out of it before the car ride even starts. I think Jan should be keeping an eye on Kris rather than me, but that's just my opinion.

Jan is talking with Mark in Slovenian, I think it's about which route they should take. During the conversation, he scoots in closer to me and when he leans back he places his hand on my thigh. 

He looks out the window when we start to drive. He really has a gorgeous side profile.

I think he feels me staring at him because he looks back at me, and then down to my thigh. As if he hadn't noticed his hand there, he quickly pulls it away and mumbles "sorry". 

"It's fine," I reply, grabbing his hand and placing it back. His eyes lock with mine and I see him slowly looking me up and down. The butterflies in my stomach are going crazy at this point. Shit, what is wrong with me??? Seriously, why can't I ever act like a normal person when I'm under the influence. 

I can't be.... falling for him? No, that's just some silly drunk thought.

 We've only known each other for a couple weeks and I finally have a new friend. I can't be going soft for him. I won't fuck this up. I won't get myself hurt. Again.

I quickly look away. The rest of the car ride is quite silent. The guys are all pretty beaten up from the show and all the alcohol, which I can imagine. They have been doing this for a while, but this is my first night and I feel like I've been to hell and back.

Me and Jan watch some TikTok's in silence until we finally get back to our building.

I quietly thank Mark for driving and tell him and Bojan I will see them later. Kris is still peacefully sleeping.

Jan reaches his hand out to me to help me out of the car. I don't need his help, but take his hand anyway.

When we finally get up to the third floor, without thinking, a comment slips out of my mouth.

"I don't think I want to be alone tonight,"

Jan, who is already in process of opening his door, slowly turns around. He looks stunned. 

Shit, why did I say this. I'm not even sure what I mean, and he obviously is not the type to have some sort of girly sleepover. I'm so stupid.

"Umm, okay. What do you want to do?" 

"I.. don't know. Forget about it," I chuckle and walk towards my door, but before I even get a chance to stick in the key, Jan has grabbed my hand.

"You can stay over at my place. If you want..." he looks down at our hands and then up into my eyes. Damn, that gaze.

"That's what friends are for right?" he chuckles. I feel my stomach sink slightly. 

"Uh, yeah," I say.

"I'll go set up my extra mattress. You can grab some stuff you need," he gently rubs my hand with his thumb before letting go and getting inside his appartement. I stand still in the hallway for a while,  his words echo in my mind.

That's what friends are for...