BE MY OBSESSION

CHAPTER 42

•SHELBY•

The sleek packet rested easily in my hand as I gazed at the golden writing on the small white box.

Apart from relying on sleeping pills when necessary, this was another habit I'd indulge in only when the pressure became too much to bear.

It had been ages since I last smoked a cigarette. Recollections reminded me that I only craved it when Shawn was around. Our perpetual conflicts led me to this outlet, a way to soothe my nerves.

My relationship with my brother was never ideal, and neither of us ever attempted to repair it. That was the real issue – we exchanged unnecessary words, fought over work-related issues, and walked away, tension hanging.

Honestly, he's the only one who truly gets under my skin, pushing me to smoke for clarity. Today, however, was different.

William had succeeded in bringing back that tension and pressure with all the chaos, confusion, anger, secrets, and lies. And on top of it, he had hurt Michael really badly, which was unforgivable.

Leaving the hospital earlier in the day, my mind was in disarray. No respite existed except to smoke.

Sitting on the front steps, a cigarette dangling from my fingers, the tension started to melt away, and my body began to ease.

I took a deep drag, exhaling smoke that enveloped me in a grey halo against the night.

Oddly enough, I found myself missing my brother. I contemplated whether this mess would have arisen had Shawn been present.

Would William have reentered my life? Would my father have offered me Shawn's CEO position? Would I finally learn the truth about what happened in senior year from William or from someone else?

These questions swirled as I exhaled, hoping the thoughts would dissipate with the smoke.

Subdued footsteps approached from behind, but I didn't turn, instead flicking ash from my cigarette.

Nor did I hide the cigarette. While my family remained unaware of my habit, I made no effort to conceal it either. It's my life, after all.

A presence joined me, occupying the space beside me. The sweet scent of vanilla confirmed it was Shay – no need to glance.

" Picking up on old habits, huh?" She remarked about the cigarette, and I let out a chuckle.

"It helps me sleep better at night."

"Really? Aren't the sleeping pills doing their job anymore?" I glanced at her, squinting my eyes as I finally took in her appearance.

Her blonde hair was casually gathered in a loose bun on top of her head, with small tendrils of hair dancing on her face in the night breeze. Honestly, that hairstyle never quite suited me or anyone else. I prefer letting my hair down, but strangely, it suited her well.

She had on a comfortable light pink shirt paired with grey sweatpants and a cozy robe thrown over it.

"How do you know about that?" I asked, puzzled about her knowing about the sleeping pills.

I don't recall sharing that detail with anyone; it was private information.

"Come on, Shelby, we've practically grown up together under the same roof for years. Did you seriously think none of us would catch on?"

I shifted my body towards her, narrowing my eyes in curiosity.

"But seriously, how did you figure it out?" She sighed and looked away.

"Let's just say you've not quite developed the habit of double-checking your room before dashing out, especially when you're in a hurry."

Crap. Have I been forgetting to properly stash that pill bottle back inside my nightstand after every use?

What the hell is the matter with me? I'm not usually that careless.

I flicked the cigarette butt off the steps and crushed it beneath my foot, giving it an extra kick to send it sailing into the grass.

"You used to only smoke after having a big fight with Shawn. But he's not around now. What's your new reason?" Her voice was gentle.

"I don't want to talk about it," I replied, my tone icy.

"I've got all night," she playfully nudged.

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed by now?"

"What am I? Six?" she laughed, and I rolled my eyes.

"You know, sometimes talking about your problems helps, even if the other person can't fix things. It's what makes us human. So talk to me, maybe I can help."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"No offense, but I pick who I share my problems with. And you don't make the cut."

She grinned.

"At least I'm not getting paid to listen."

I turned my attention to the fountain ahead. The water danced from the top, showering into the pool below. A soft purple light illuminated the scene, oddly captivating.

"You're into him, aren't you?"

Her words caught me off guard, and when I looked at her, she was already studying me, her brown eyes locked onto mine.

"What are you talking about?"

"William," she said softly. "Don't bother denying it. It's obvious."

I narrowed my eyes.

"I'm not."

She raised an eyebrow as if asking, "Are you sure?" I turned my gaze away, slowly shaking my head.

"He's back with his ex."

"Did he tell you that?" Her question stirred up my anger and the memory of what happened earlier.

"He didn't need to. I saw them together at his place, getting cozy."

"But did he tell you?" she persisted, and I shot her a glare.

"No," I admitted with a quiet voice, and she chuckled.

"Then it's not confirmed. You're holding onto that idea just to avoid admitting you have feelings for him."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, and suddenly, the air felt warmer around me.

"I don't trust him. He's lied and kept things from me. That's enough reason to keep my distance."

Shay scooted closer, giving me a searching look, and I frowned in confusion.

"Everyone hides things, Shelby. Maybe he did it to not hurt your feelings. He might have his reasons."

She had a point. I'd been dismissive, letting his womanizer reputation color my perspective, pushing him away to shield myself from potential heartache.

"You should make things right with him," she said, moving nearer.

"Why bother?"

"Because you owe him an apology for being stubborn, and you both need a fresh start."

I mulled over her words while staring at the fountain.

A fresh start.

Those words resonated. My resentment was fading, and maybe she was onto something.

We did need a fresh start. I was willing to take that step, but there was something I needed to do first.

Apologize.

Shay was right. I'd been unnecessarily hard on him, dragging out the drama. It was time to be more understanding, to consider his side of things.

We both needed a clean slate. Whether he accepted my apology or not, a fresh start was in the cards, with or without him by my side.