I stared at my ultrasound picture in the living room while Brooke was out. I really regretted my little outburst yesterday, this little baby growing in my tummy was wonderful. I thought it was amazing what the female body could do, to create more humans within their own body. It seemed magical, almost. I also looked up how big my baby is at four weeks, and it said that he or she was the size of a poppy seed. It was incredible to me how something so small could grow so big.
The sound of a key in the lock startled me and I quickly hid the thick paper under a pile of books so it looked like just a random paper. My face burned as I picked up my phone and pretended to fiddle with it when Brooke walked in. I hated keeping things from her, especially as important as this.
"Hey, girl! How're you?" she put her purse and shopping bag down on the counter. I see she went to a makeup store, but I didn't recognize the name.
"I'm fine," my voice broke saying the last word and I chastised myself for it. "You?"
"I'm great. Went some places, did some things, met some people. Did you know there's a park just across the way?" I shook my head and she took her bags to her room, shutting the door after her.
I quickly lifted the pile of books and carefully picked up the ultrasound, and ran to my room. I shut my door and looked for a good place to hide it somewhere that Brooke wouldn't find it. There was a place in my new bookshelf in a book, which reminded me I needed to go book shopping. It was one of my favorite things to do and I always found at least one interesting book to buy.
I layed on my bed and stared at the ceiling fan go around and around, the blades casting shadows above it. I thought about calling Dan so I could tell him the news, but decided against it and got up. I figured if I walked up there now that I could tell him in person it would be better. Big news over just a phone call just doesn't seem right.
I got dressed in a pastel purple sweatshirt and light skinny jeans. I tied my black Vans and grabbed my keys on my way out the door. I forgot to tell Brooke I was leaving and popped my head in her room.
"Hey, I'm leaving for a little bit." I found her lounging on her bed with her obnoxiously pink laptop and Duke by her side. I swear that dog liked her more than me.
"Where to?" she tore her eyes from the screen and wiggled her eyebrows. "To see Howell?"
"Yeah," I received another eyebrow movement and I shut the door, shaking my head on the way out. No sooner had I locked the front door did I feel really nervous about this whole thing. What if he gets mad? What if he doesn't ever want to see me again? What if he's fine with it? All questions that I would never know the answer unless I broke the news to him.
I got in the elevator and pressed his floor number. The doors closed and the small, confining space creaked upwards. I really didn't like elevators, they give me the heebie jeebies. I'll probably get used to it as time passes.
I stepped out and walked up the stairs that led to Dan and Phil's apartment door. With every step I took my nerves grew stronger, until I reached the top of the stairs. I raised my fist, ready to knock but I couldn't. Every time I would go to hit the door I would feel an invisible force holding my arm back, whispering grim aspects in my ear.
My arm fell back in place next to my side and I took a step back. I pulled at my hair and slumped against the neighboring door. I covered my eyes with my hands, tears pooling in my eyes. If I can't do this, how will I be able to do anything scary in life? I will have to tell him at some point. Sometime soon I will see him again and I will have a bigger belly, one more noticeable than the slight bump that I have now. No size sweatshirt will cover a nine-month belly and make it look normal.
I let out a sob and sniffed into my sleave. I will have to deal with this, and I will do it now before things get worse. I have to confide in someone, or I'll surely go insane. I was about to get up when I heard a door open. I looked up at Phil's tall frame from my spot on the floor and saw the confusion in his gaze turn quickly into concern for me.
He sat down next to me with sad eyes and hugged me to his body. Phil was warm and comfortable, as well as twice as big as I am. His hand patted my back and I smiled into his shoulder, knowing that he was here for me. Even after just knowing me for a very short month, I knew that he was someone that I could tell anything to because he wouldn't tell anyone unless I asked.
"What's wrong, Charlotte?" His voice was thick with sympathy.
I pulled away and wiped my eyes on my sweatshirt. "Can we talk in private?" I looked around at the empty staircase and even though nobody was there, it didn't seem like a place to spill my secrets. Phil nodded and brought me inside. He explained that Dan was out of the house so we could talk freely in the "lounge" as he called it. Sounded right.
I sat down in the same spot on the couch as I had during the movie night, before I had my little mishap that now has a sure explanation. I liked my lips and began.
"OK, Phil, this may seem a bit..." I thought, "Out of the blue but remember when Dan came home from my house hungover?" He nodded and I waited a second.
"I went to the doctor yesterday and it is confirmed that I'm... I'm pregnant." Phil's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, and I silently felt that way on the inside too.
"You're pregnant?" I heard a voice from behind me and my cheeks would have felt colder if someone had set them on fire. I closed my eyes as I heard Dan walk closer to the lounge and I would have turned around, if I could even look him in the eyes.
His legs came into my field of view and I looked up slowly and painfully. I could feel my eyes brimming again but I knew I wouldn't dare cry in this moment. He looked half stunned and half expressionless, as if he couldn't make up his mind on what to say.
"I think it would be really helpful to not get mad, Dan." Phil said. I looked at him and praised him with my eyes for trying to help control the mood. I don't think it will help.
"Charlotte, I'm trying so hard not to be upset right now but I can't help it. Pregnant? This has to be a prank right? Where's the camera Phil?" Dan's voice was rising and I could tell that Phil didn't like getting targeted like this. I don't think anyone would but at least he's taking some of the blow for me.
"There isn't one. Dan this is real, and I just found out yesterday." I tried to calm him down.
"Well, gee, Charlotte I feel so much better. Do you know how much this will change my fucking life? I've been having it so good lately and now this. Thanks, I appreciate it. Don't fucking touch me Phil." Phil had tried to put his hand on Dan's shoulder to calm him but he got rejected.
Dan stormed off to his room, which he seems to do a lot of storming off, and I stared blank-faced at nothing. "I think I'm going to leave now." I turned around and quietly exited their home, shutting the door quietly and hearing Phil loudly sigh.
