I sat in the maternity waiting room of the hospital and was nervous as heck. I knew that I was probably pregnant and I had defied all of my morals. This was something I never planned, to have a baby before getting married. I looked at pregnancy pictures on Pinterest until my name was called. I handed in the clipboard of my information to the nurse.
She smiled at me and made small talk with me on the way to my room. She handed me a hospital gown and told me to change after she took my vitals.
As soon as the door closed and I was alone, I truly started panicking. Brooke thought that I was out shopping and asked why she couldn't come too. I told her that I needed alone time and next time we would go together. This only meant that I would have to go shopping afterwards.
I changed into the gown and looked at myself in the small mirror across the room and wondered if I should keep my pants on. I decided yes and sat down on the crinkling paper sheet that covered the bed. I fiddled with my phone while I was waiting for the doctor and ended up putting it back in my pocket because I was too nervous to concentrate.
I looked around at the plain walls and noted that the rooms needed pictures, something to liven up the place. Maybe a different paint color, anything other than eggshell white. The doctors office I went to as a kid had characters like Peanuts painted on the wall. Other rooms were decorated as oceans or the jungle, but I guess now I'm an adult and won't get things like that anymore. I mean, I guess the paintings were probably for small children to focus on something other that what the doctor's doing. It makes better sense now that I think about it.
There was a knock on the door and the doctor came in. She had a pristine white coat on and her light and dark blue scrubs underneath them. It really went quite well with her honey colored hair.
She smiled and held out her hand for me to shake, "Hi, Charlotte, I'm Doctor Smith," she introduces herself. My information was in her hands, "Now I see from your records that you're not originally from England, is that correct?"
"Yes it is, I used to live in Maryland, which is in America." I don't see why she has to repeat my information back to me, because why would anyone lie about anything on their hospital records? It's just plain silly.
The doctor nodded and prepped the machine with the microphone looking device attached to it. I took a guess and named in the ultrasound machine. I had never really looked closely at one so I wasn't so sure that that I was right.
"Ok, before we start we'll need to do your bloodwork, urine sample, and ultrasound. When was the last time you had intercourse?" Dr. Smith listed the different things to do this visit and I nodded along. I hate needles so much that I get shivers when I need to get a shot or blood taken.
"Well that wall about a month ago when I first came here, let's just say I was drunk and it was unprotected." The doctor gave a faux smile and scribbled something down on her clipboard.
She told me to hold out my arm and then stuck the needle in my arm. The tube soon filled with blood and I tried to look away, but I couldn't break my gaze. Finally there was enough blood collected and she gave me a cup. Dr. Smith gave me directions to the nearest bathroom and sent me on my way.
***
The doctor was getting the ultrasound machine ready and testing it to make sure it was working right. She reached over to the cart she wheeled in to grab a bottle that looked like the gel.
"This will be cold, just a warning." She smiled and squeezed the gel into my belly and sucked in a breath. It was freezing like it was a block of ice and it took me a minute to get used to as she spread it around.
The doctor started the screening and I watched while not really knowing what to look for. It all looked like a black and grey mess to me. Dr. Smith grinned and pointed at the screen, "There's your one month old baby, right there."
I couldn't make out anything where she was pointing except to a black mass. There was a disturbance in the dark spot that I just noticed, a little bit of grey. I smiled and my eyes welled up with warm tears and I don't expect to cry. I blame it on the hormones.
The doctor wiped the gel off my skin with a towel and printed out a few copies of my first ultrasound, one for my record and another two to keep for myself.
I left the hospital and flagged a taxi to the nearest mall, having known that the closest one has a Victoria's Secret and a maternity clothing store. I was originally planning to stop by Victoria's sometime soon, but now it looks like I will have to. I might buy a few maternity shirts just in case I forget to later on. I already have some big shirts and sweats so I should be fine for a little bit.
As soon as the ride was over I got out and made my way towards the big building, noticing a steady stream of people leaving and entering. I followed behind a couple with matching tattoos and took in how big the mall is. The ceiling was so high that it was probably about two stories. There were plenty of shops there that were in America, and some that I didn't recognize.
I walked over to Victoria's Secret and looked at the bra selection. I since I was a 36 B I picked up one in the same size and two for the next two sizes. I honestly didn't know what size I would be by the end of this, but I figured it would never be the same again after this is through.
I literally almost screamed when I saw the total but paid it anyway. Dan taught me how to use pounds so I knew how to use them by now anyway. I grabbed my bag and left the store, seeing the maternity store just across the way.
There were only five other women there, four pregnant ones and a grandmother accompanying her daughter. I felt horribly out of place here, like I didn't belong. The other women looked to be in their thirties and I was only in my early twenties.
I can't believe I'm even here in the first place, I shouldn't be here. I don't really want to have a baby at all but I made a terrible mistake in accepting that first drink dan bought me. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have had to deal with this. I grew increasingly angrier and stomped out of the doorway. I rode home in an angry haze.
