Saioma Month 2023

Dreams of Death

TW : Major character death, graphic violence (his death) - both in a nightmare, but still

Kokichi has nightmares, even after the game has been over for so long. He still dreams of dying, of the agony of being poisoned and then crushes. Life is cruel, in making him relive it. But he still tries to keep going, and he has Shuichi at his side. There to comfort him when he wakes up.

Or~ Kokichi's nightmares of death, and the struggle of waking up. But there is someone who can help

Prompt : Nightmares

Kokichi can feel the poison in his veins. It hurts more than it has done. It feels like fire, like it's burning him alive from inside out; like he's cooking. Something in his mind almost makes him hear flames, because something as simple as poison shouldn't be causing him this much pain. It's much more painful than it was, the agony has progressed so far in only a few moments.

He can taste blood, a horrible, metallic taste. He's bitten himself, trying to stop himself from screaming. Not that it really matters, if there's only one person to hear him scream. Kaito is killing him anyway; so it doesn't matter if he hears him scream. Kaito was in pain as well, although he doesn't have fire in his veins. Kaito can still move.

Kokichi can't move anymore. The poison hasn't taken away his ability to feel, pain and other senses, but it has stopped him moving. He can't get out of the way of the hydraulic press - even if he wanted to. And dimly, Kokichi realises he does want to. He knows he'll die of poison anyway, but he doesn't want to go this way. That machine can't really be the death of him, can it?

Its whirring has only gotten louder, as the hydraulic press keeps going down on him. Kokichi thinks, vaguely, that he may be moving - if only a tiny bit. A small jerk of his finger, or a different muscle. Maybe he's just spasming. He can spasm now, cough up that bit of blood. The press is so close to him that Kaito won't see him do it, and the camera won't pick it up. In his last few seconds of life, maybe Kokichi can indulge himself.

He feels the cold metal on him, and all air is forced from his body as the press begins to come down. Kokichi can only feel pain, although it's different to the one from the poison. This one is much worse, so much worse. It's the pain of dying. Everything hurts, and he hears something that might be a broken bone, or a bone breaking - but it just hurts too much. And then it's over.

The brain can't process what death feels like. So Kokichi wakes up. Just like he did in the simulation. Except this time, instead of waking up around people he didn't know, he was with someone he did. Shuichi was next to him, barely a hand's length away. The bed still felt cold to Kokichi, almost metallic. So he reached out, trying to grasp his boyfriend's hand.

But Kokichi couldn't move. He wasn't in control of his body anymore. He couldn't move to Shuichi. He couldn't move out of the way of the hydraulic press. He was going to die-

Kokichi forced himself to take a deep breath, one of the only bits of his body he was able to control. The ceiling was mainly dark, but it was still covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. There was a small smile on Kokichi's face as he glanced up at them. He'd been having nightmares for as long as he'd been out of the simulation, and darkness didn't help. The lack of light was oppressive, and sent him back to... when he thought he'd died. Kokichi had struggled with it, but hadn't told anyone.

In fact, he'd only told Shuichi about his nightmares because sometimes he would scream, and he wanted Shuichi to be aware of that. Over time, Shuichi managed to coax more information out of him. Like how he hated the darkness because it reminded him of being under the press, or how he hated silence - because his mind would start to fill it with a mechanical whirring. One of a machine lowering down onto him... eventually ready to crush him.

He's glad that Shuichi breathes heavily in his sleep, it lets Kokichi hear something in what would otherwise be silence, which would then become trauma. He stays completely still for almost five minutes. Kokichi's therapist told him he should start counting it, make a log of it; it might help them. So he does, he counts seconds while unable to move - just staring up at the ceiling. Every five seconds, or so, he tries to reach out for Shuichi. And every time he can't move.

Until eventually, he does. His hand goes forward and grasps Shuichi's immediately. It's warm, it's alive. That's another nightmare that Kokichi has, of his friends dying. It's much harder to reassure himself when it's someone like Miu, but he can get over it quicker when it's Shuichi. He just needs to roll over in bed. It's horrible, but it could be a lot worse.

Kokichi is just glad he escaped getting phantom pains. He knows quite a few people who didn't. Kokichi is also glad Shuichi never died. He jokes and says it's because two horribly traumatised people would make an even worse relationship, but it's actually because he cares. He wouldn't ever want Shuichi to wake up in the middle of the night, crying or screaming. Reliving his death. Again.

There's sudden movement, and Kokichi feels Shuichi grasp his hand slightly tighter, before hearing a soft yawn. He must've grabbed Shuichi's hand quicker than he thought he did...

"Kokichi?" Shuichi doesn't have that much of a morning voice, but just hearing him makes Kokichi instantly light up, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What do you mean Shumai?"

In a way, Kokichi doesn't know why he refuses to say yes. Both of them know what's going on, but something in Kokichi always refuses to admit it. Will always refuse to admit it. Kokichi rolls over slightly so he's facing Shuichi, a concerned look on the detective's face.

"Just come here..." Shuichi gently tries to pull Kokichi closer to him, and Kokichi complies, "It's just me here, alright? In our house."

"I already know that, stupid," Kokichi teases, although his heart isn't in it. Everything Shuichi said is exactly what he needs to hear, and he loves him for it. Silently, Kokichi slips into Shuichi's arms and moves slightly closer. His voice is slightly muffled as he curls up tightly against Shuichi, but he forces the words out anyway, "Love you..."