Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

One Single Look

TW: PTSD

Hunter's POV

back in the present

I quickly wiped the tears from my face, it felt foolish to cry over a story I'd replayed in my head so many times; it was an endless loop forever flashing through my memories. But somehow it never grew any easier to face, the emotions from that period were brought back and seemed just as raw as they'd been at the time. 

My body ached, my hand digging into my ribs, into the spot that still burnt, the bones still felt slightly out of places in some sort of disarray. Though I couldn't have thought much else would happen when Alexia could do nothing to possibly convince me to see a doctor. 

Jill hadn't said anything yet, nor had I even found the courage to look at her. My eyes had always felt comfortable falling back to the floor, I didn't want to see what emotion lay within the green of Jill's eyes because everything she felt was always so clearly painted into her expression. 

She must hate me after that story though I knew Jill was far too kind a person to shout or to knock me down when I'd already fallen, she'd wait until later to tell me what she truly thought and knowing that terrified me. 

Though I felt her fingers grip onto mine, looking up to our hands now intertwined on the mattress. 

It meant something. 

That's all I'd ever been searching for. I just wanted all of this agony to mean something because then there'd been a reason for every last tear, and that's what Jill had made happen. She'd walked into my life and suddenly everything meant something; even the tiniest things I'd have once neglected to notice now shined a little brighter. Like the feeling of Jill's hand in mine, it meant more than anything because I'd always remember the feeling of Maya's hand laying limply in my own. 

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Jill's POV

I didn't know what to say.

It was the first time I truly felt my heart break for someone else. When Nana died I'd felt awful for Hunter, when the girls were being horrid I found myself to feel protective, but right now I was heart broken for the brunette who sat beside me, her eyes lowered to the bed as she quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks.

I was a talkative person, probably to the point that people got bored of the constant chatter, but right now I was left speechless. 

I gently took Hunter's hand into my own, I didn't know if she'd cower away but instead her fingers gripped onto my own.

"It wasn't your fault," I whispered.

Hunter looked up to the ceiling, her eyes remained glassed over but she fought back the tears, "Then why does it feel like it is?"

"Because you love her," I said.

"But she'd still be here if it wasn't for me," Hunter reasoned, she still hadn't looked at me once.

I gently shook my head, "No, but she would have been alone in her final moments if it wasn't for you. You're the one who stood by her side until the end."

Hunter almost winced, the memories seemed like they could've been from yesterday seeing how rawly she'd recounted them. "I just question if I'd done one thing differently then maybe she'd still be here."

"You did everything you could liefje."

Hunter seemed to be in this place of self hatred, she didn't believe that anyone could truly love her after what she'd told me but I just wished she look at me and see the face of someone who was still, completely and utterly in love with her. After hearing her story, I only realized she was stronger than I'd ever known a person could be.