Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

Nothing Mattered

Hunter's POV

We'd finished the group stages and come out top of our group; I was proud of the girls and it felt like something big could truly come out of this tournament.
People always say it's the hope that kills you but I needed to have faith in something right now with everything else being so undecided or broken. I believed in this team, I really did.

Vilda was just becoming harsher and harsher, training sessions were growing longer and more intense while rest time was little to none, the team's work ethic was insane to put up with it, but we all had the same end goal; to walk home with those gold medals around our necks. And Vilda was the person we needed to listen to in order to reach those heights. 
I still stayed out for hours after training had finished, I couldn't stop because then everything would catch up to me and I think I'd crumble. I think it would all break me. 

Today was the round of sixteen, we were playing against Australia who were a strong side but in the world standings, we were marked higher. 

We all trailed into the changing rooms after a silent coach journey, because Vilda insisted that distractions were to be diminished before matches and apparently talking was one of them. 

"How are you feeling today?" Alexia asked me, her cubby was right next to mine; it always had been. It always would be. 

I tilted my head to and fro, "Alright, I think if we go out there and play well, we will win."

"No," Alexia furrowed her eyebrows, "How are you feeling today?" I wondered where this had come from, I'd been careful to give no one a reason to worry but Alexia always seemed to sniff the truth out. 

My jaw dropped slightly, I honestly didn't actually know because I'd been so focused on football in order to run from my feelings, that I didn't seem in touch with them anymore. "I'm fine," I pulled a smile onto my face.

A smile which Alexia didn't seem to buy for one single second, "I know that it's difficult playing without Nana being here to watch."

I gulped, Alexia was wrong. Nana was here. Nana was up in the friends and family section like she'd always been, following us around the country to watch her girls make us proud. Alexia was wrong. I needed to forget she'd even mentioned Nana. 

I just sent her a small smile, trying to end the conversation, fishing through my bag to get changed into my warmup kit. 

Alexia cleared her throat, catching my attention again, "Have you spoken to Jill recently?"

I gently shook my head, "Not really, no. We're both busy with national duties."

Alexia looked down to the floor, "She was texting me yesterday, said you hadn't replied to any of her messages recently. She sounded worried Hunter."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, I hated shutting out the one person who'd always found their way in, but Jill was a distraction right now. Jill made me feel things. I didn't want to feel things, I couldn't afford to. "I've just not been on my phone much," I shrugged, my voice coming out strangely raspy.

"Well I think you should reply to her after the match today," Alexia told me. 

I nodded, "Yeah."

Would I? Probably not. 

"Good," Alexia brought me into a tight hug, holding me close like I was a child again until she finally let go and we took to the pitch to warm up. 

Ona and I warmed up together, we'd grown much closer in the duration of this tournament and she was someone who I could always laugh with, she made me forget the truth while also helping me improve at football. Though today everything felt different, soon as Alexia mention Nana, which I was hopelessly trying to forget, it was like the world lost all of its color.