Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

We Need To Go

TW: PTSD

Hunter's POV

"He was there," I told Mapi, trying to stress that he'd been there, my breath so shallow that I found myself choking on the oxygen, "He was there."

I'd looked out of that window, hoping to find my usual peace in the stillness of the stars yet glanced at the pavement to see that dark silhouette from all those years ago. The moonlight hitting his face at that perfect angle, his grey eyes staring directly at me. He knew I was here, he knew we were here and I knew he'd come. He'd was coming. 

"Shhh," Mapi hushed me, pulling me into her chest as her fingers ran through my hair, "He's not here. You're here, I'm here. You're safe," She whispered, her words calm.

I shook my head, gulping so a few words could break out, "He was there Mapi, we need to go. We need to go," I wanted to run, I needed to run but my body wouldn't cooperate with my mind. Much as I tried to shift my legs, they lay there numbly almost as if my body lost consciousness but my mind was more alive than ever; like my soul had left my body but physically I was trapped on the ground in Mapi's arms.

"We're safe here," Mapi told me, there being some rhythm to her words, "It's all going to be okay."

But she was wrong, Mapi was so utterly wrong. I pulled away from her chest, though her hands keeping ahold of my arms. I stared her in the eyes, searching for the answers, "Mapi he's going to get us," I sobbed, wanting to keep the both of us safe.
I knew I needed to keep Mapi safe, I didn't care about myself, I needed to do my job better this time. I couldn't loose Mapi; I wouldn't loose Mapi. But I couldn't help her if she wouldn't believe me, I needed her to believe me.
"He's going to get her," the words wracked through my throat potent as bleach yet dry as a desert.

I could see the heartbreak in Mapi's eyes, her eyebrows furrowing as she lightly shook her head the world went quiet, the silence somehow causing more pain than the blaring sirens. "She's not here anymore amor," Mapi whispered, gentle as possible but speaking words more painful than any I could imagine.

I felt sick, my stomach dropped and a hole opened. It meant I hadn't done my job; I'd failed.  

I felt betrayed like this dagger had been stuck in my heart, "But she's going to come back," I told Mapi, the hot tears streaming down my cheeks, "That's why we need to go."

Mapi's lips dragged down, quivering slightly, I could see her trying to hold the pieces together, "She's not coming back Hunter," she whispered, each word being like shards of glass passing through my mind.

I shook my head, choking on my breath, needing Mapi to understand. The time was running out, we needed to go before he caught up with us. "She's coming back," I stressed each word.

Mapi closed her eyes, "Maya's gone," her words broke partly through the lapse in my mind, I realized she was right as I felt her gently pulling me back into her chest but this time I didn't fight. I just broke down, the pieces of my heart scattered across the floor once again realizing that I'd failed.

"But he's here," I cried, "I can't loose you too," the panic was gripping at my throat, constricting my lungs and stealing the words from my mouth. I feared that was it; I feared the words were now gone, my throat had closed up and my mind shut down. I tried to fight it, I needed to fight it in order to protect Mapi but the walls had been built high and I couldn't break them down.

"You won't loose me," Mapi naively assured me, "You and me, we're forever. We're safe."

My chest was on fire, this unexplainable pain seeping through my veins as my whole body set alight and heart tore apart. I wanted to scream in pain but the noise wouldn't leave my mouth, I felt trapped inside my own soul like the glass doors had sealed and now I was just watching it all, screaming at the top of my lungs but not a single person could hear me. My fists pounded against that glass, begging for it to break but not a single shard shattered; I was trapped in here forever. I'd spend a forever trapped inside something which could only be described as myself. 

Thumping. That's what I remembered hearing.
My heart was thumping like every beat could be its' last. Everything was working in overdrive as it fought not to shut down, my body fighting against itself, the shutters slowly closing as I lost the glass windows and was left in a box of darkness. I turned around and realized it was endless without a single stream of light; I'd forgotten what light even looked like, it was like some foreign fantasy concept. Darkness was my only reality. 

I knew my eyes were open but they weren't. I continued blinking, trying to see the world but it was just darkness like the poison in my mind had seeped to my vision, blinding me and leaving me helpless. It felt like any demons of my past were creeping back into the present, not even sneaking up on me because I couldn't see them anyway. I was blind, both my mind and body were running away from me but I couldn't chase this time, I was bound by the shackles of these memories. 

I wished to be safe: I wished to feel safe because I was under attack. The bombs and missiles were dropping around me in the form of memories and the reality of them in my present day life.
I'd give anything to go back to those days when I'd run freely in the fields and not search every crowd for those stoney grey eyes. I wanted to search for the eyes of those who made me happy, I wanted the voices of those I loved to live in my dreams rather than his voice haunting my nightmares. 

My ears were ringing, the sirens were blaring. One last ditch effort to escape, my mind was telling me to run but my body had already given up. Mapi's reassurance drifted away as her soft words were replaced with these violent rings. 
I was left senseless knowing that danger was imminent and lived all around, I was being stared at yet I couldn't see it though I could feel his eyes burning into me, bathing in the glory of my defenseless body laying in the middle of nothingness. 

The sounds of his voice broke through, as if his face was right in front of mine though miles away as it echoed through my mind. I felt trapped in some circus funhouse, my nightmares turning real as they jumped out in front of me. 

I felt my head lull, dropping down as any consciousness I had drifted away. I didn't even try to breathe anymore, my lungs had given up in order to protect me from more pain. My body had given up with the realization I couldn't go on. My heart had never had a hope in the first place.