Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

Space From What?

Jill's POV

Thankfully the cab came in a matter of seconds because as I stood there with my arm around Hunter's waist, hoping she'd stay upright, I felt the time was ticking by before everything went downhill again. 

I hadn't even had time to process everything that happened tonight, it was all a blur behind me whilst the most important thing was Hunter. I needed to make sure Hunter was okay, or at least safe.

"Okay there you go," I breathed, having clicked Hunter's seatbelt in for her, "It's all going to be okay."

In all honesty, the team drama didn't frighten me the most, what frightened me the most was Hunter's breakdown about herself. When Leah had stopped Hunter from speaking, what would she have said? What did she go through at night? Back in Barcelona, whose life had she been threatening to tear down piece by piece? 

Hunter shook her head, "it's not alright though, is it?"

I took her hand into mine, she flinched and it broke my heart a little that she seemed scared of me, "It's me Hunter, don't worry."

"I'm not worried," Hunter cleared her throat, "We are going back to your house, right?"

I lightly nodded, scared to say anything wrong, "Yes, is that okay."

"I don't want to see Nana tonight," Hunter quietly replied, "she'll just worry."

"You won't have to, I'll make us a hot chocolate when we get home. How does that sound?" I asked, trying to pull her mind out from the darkness. 

"That sounds nice Jilly," Hunter whispered, though that name didn't have the same spark as usual.

For the remainder of the journey we sat in silence though our hands didn't leave one another's. 

I was scared to say anything, afraid that I'd push Hunter over the edge again and then even more terrified that I wouldn't know how to pull her back up. Hunter terrified me because I cared. I wanted to guide Hunter out of the darkness to the extent that I'd set myself on fire just to light the way. Even if it ended in me driving myself half mad, at least she'd still be next to me. Because without Hunter, I'd grow completely and utterly mad to the point I'd let that fire consume me anyway. I didn't understand how one single soul had grown to mean more than everyone else, it had crept up on me overtime and now I never saw that feeling go away.

Did I want it to go away? I wasn't sure because it was painful knowing she didn't love me back but I was reassured by my own care, because Hunter needed someone to properly love her and I seemed to be that person. So even if it killed me slightly to know I'd forever be just her friend, it was worth it to keep Hunter alive. I'd do anything for her, so living a life of watching her fall for someone else didn't seem like a massively awful trade, if it meant I could still be stood by her side. 

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Hunter's POV

I'm not sure where my mind was, I was probably too drunk to sort through anything. 

I knew that I'd ended the night in a better place with the Arsenal girls but I think I'd fallen into a worse place myself.

Jill opened the door to her house and sat me down in the kitchen while she made drinks, non alcoholic ones at that, and I knew where I was physically but my mind was dragging my soul into it's sea and I was begining to drown. I wasn't sure why, but I slowly felt the buildings begin to fall and the glass was shattering. I wouldn't say that I was a fragile person but when shot in that weak point, I crashed down louder than anyone else; maybe that made me weak but I'd always say that I had a thick skin but underneath was quite the opposite story.

Once I realized I was falling into this darkness, tumbling as I couldn't defy the gravity, I looked for reasons why I was so upset that the world was caving in on me. 
The Arsenal girls; that seemed like an obvious reason but it wasn't it. Yes, they'd hurt me but I'd learnt to accept that and maybe after my conversation tonight things would get better. But I didn't have any false sense of hope that they'd be the family I'd thought they once were. 
The injury; that was another large part of my current life but still, it didn't warrant the agony in my soul. 
Missing Mapi and Alexia seemed a possibility but that was usually a quiet longing that never died. I always missed them, but my world never came crashing down like this.

I was still thinking, my brain functioning, which meant it wasn't an episode. So I was stuck in this place of complete cluelessness yet the answer felt like it lay right in front of my eyes. 

"There's your drink," Jill spoke softly, quietly setting the cup down on the glass table as it made the smallest clink. All of my senses were completely heightened, my eyes setting on everything like the window in a gun though the background blurred into a mere whisper. 

I looked up to Jill, my eyes falling into hers like an ever deeper trap, a breath escaping my open lips as the world pieced together yet fell apart all at once. The answer had been in front of me for a long time. It was Jill.

It was Jill who filled the gap which usually left me lonely, though it also Jill who broke me a little. Knowing I loved her far more than she loved me hurt, to Jill I was probably just another friend, to me Jill had become my everything. 

Everything was a big word but when I looked at Jill, I knew it was true. I knew a word of that scale still felt small, Jill made the world feel small, because when I was with her, the light was bigger than it all.

It was so painfully obvious that I loved Jill in a different way to everyone else. I didn't know what to do with that fact though, I wished I could go back to before when she'd just been my friend. I liked having friends, anything more was complicated.

"What is it Hunter?" Jill lowered her head slightly, trying to find the answers hidden in my expression. 

I shook my head, my eyes falling to the ground, "I have to go," I whispered, so quietly that I barely even heard it myself.

I was a runner, everyone knew it, even I knew it. I'd always be running from the things that mattered most because I wasn't willing to be the cause of my own destruction.

"What?" Jill asked, "I didn't hear you."

I scraped my chair backwards, stepping down onto my boot which was a little against doctors orders but it was the last thing on my mind. I just needed to get away.

"Hunter, be careful," Jill looked to my boot, "You're not meant to put weight on your ankle."

Her words meant nothing, they were just noise, "I have to go," I realized, saying it louder this time as I began walking out of the kitchen. 

"You can't just leave, where are you going to go?" Jill asked, following behind me.

"Nana will pick me up," I quickly lied, not allowing myself to look back and fall into the trap of those green eyes again. 

"Hunter!" Jill called, desperation lacing her words, "What did I do?"

"Nothing," I answered, reaching the front door, "I just can't stay here, I need space away from it all."

"Space from what?" Jill breathed, I could hear the panic gripping at her throat. 

I looked down, knowing the only way she'd let me leave is if I told her the truth, painful as it was, "From you."

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what's going to happen next do you think?