Lifeline

Chapter 33

The morning sun streamed through the windows of the house, casting a warm glow across the rooms. I sat there, my heart racing with a mix of excitement and nervousness. Today was the day I would bring Emilia to my workplace to meet my colleagues, Nick and Melanie. I had missed them during my maternity leave, and I couldn't wait for them to meet my precious daughter. Emilia was nestled in her carrier, her tiny fingers peeking out from the blanket that covered her. She looked so peaceful, her little chest rising and falling with each gentle breath. I adjusted the carrier, making sure she was comfortable and secure, before grabbing my bag and heading out the door. As I walked through the familiar corridors, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of introducing Emilia to my work family. Nick and Melanie had been so supportive during my pregnancy, and I knew they would adore Emilia just as much as I did. I pushed open the door to Nick's office, and he looked up from his computer with a surprised expression. "Liz, you're back!" he exclaimed. I grinned, feeling a sense of belonging wash over me. "Yep, and I brought someone special to meet you." Nick's eyes widened as he caught sight of the carrier in my arms. "Is that...?" I nodded, carefully lifting the blanket to reveal Emilia's tiny face. "This is Emilia." His face broke into a wide grin as he stood up, and his eyes filled with wonder as he gazed at the sleeping baby. "Oh wow, Liz, she's beautiful." "Thank you," I said, my heart swelling with pride. Nick gently reached out to touch Emilia's hand; his touch was so tender and full of affection. "She's lucky to have you as her mom." I felt a lump form in my throat as I nodded. "I'm the lucky one." Just then, Melanie appeared in the doorway, a curious expression on her face. "I saw Liz's car!!! What's going on?" Nick turned to her with a grin. "Liz is introducing us to the newest member of your team, though she'd look adorable in a bluesman with a mop in her hand." I giggled, and Melanie's eyes widened as she took in the sight of Emilia. "Oh my gosh, she's absolutely precious!" I chuckled, feeling a wave of happiness wash over me. "Thank you, Melanie." Melanie rushed forward, her eyes filled with excitement as she peered into the carrier. "Hi there, little one. Welcome to the team." Emilia stirred slightly, her eyes fluttering open for a brief moment before she settled back into sleep. Melanie's presence seemed to have a calming effect on her, and I couldn't help but smile. Mel reached out a finger to gently stroke Emilia's cheek. "She's a little doll. How's motherhood treating you?" I sighed contentedly, the exhaustion and challenges of the past few weeks fading into the background as I focused on the joy of the present moment. "It's incredible, Mel. It's like a whole new world has opened up. I can't believe how much I love her." Mel's eyes softened, and she smiled warmly. "I can see it in your eyes. Parenthood suits you." I chuckled, feeling a mixture of gratitude and humility at her words. "Thank you. It's been an adjustment, for sure, but I wouldn't change a thing." Mel's expression turned mischievous as she leaned in a bit closer. "So, spill the details! How was the birth?" I rolled my eyes playfully, but a smile tugged at my lips. "You really want to know?" "Of course!" Mel replied eagerly. "I mean, I've never experienced it myself, and I sure as hell never will, so I need all the juicy details." I laughed, feeling at ease about sharing my experience with someone who was genuinely interested. As I recounted the events leading up to Emilia's birth and the rollercoaster of emotions that had accompanied the process, Mel listened with rapt attention. "Wow, it sounds intense," she commented, her eyes wide with fascination. "It definitely was," I agreed with a nod. "But in the end, holding her in my arms made it all worth it." Mel's gaze shifted to Emilia, who was now gazing back at her with a mix of curiosity and innocence. "She's lucky to have you as her mom, Liz. I can tell you're going to be amazing." I felt a lump form in my throat at her words, touched by her sincerity. "Thank you, Mel. That means a lot." We spent a few more minutes chatting about motherhood, work, and life in general with Nick before I decided it was time to go back home.

With Emilia growing stronger and more independent each day, the thought of returning to work began to cross my mind. I knew that I would have to make a decision soon, and I wanted to discuss it with Alex before making any plans. One evening, as Emilia peacefully napped in her crib, I sat down with Alex on the couch. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves before broaching the subject. "Alex, I've been thinking... Maybe it's time for me to start easing back into work." He looked at me with a mixture of surprise and concern. "Work? Liz, you just had a baby a few months ago. Are you sure you're ready for that?" I nodded, trying to convey my determination. "I miss my job, Alex. I love being a mother, but I also love what I do. And I think it's important for me to have a balance, to have something that's just for me." Alex's expression darkened, and I could see a storm brewing behind his eyes. "You want to go back to work and leave Emilia?" My heart sank at the edge in his voice, and I hurried to reassure him. "No, not like that. I'm thinking of starting with a few hours a day, maybe a couple of days a week. And we could look into getting a nanny or finding a daycare." He scoffed, his frustration palpable. "A nanny? A daycare? Liz, we don't need strangers taking care of our daughter." I sighed, feeling a pang of hurt. "Alex, I'm not saying I want to leave her all day. I just want to have a little time for myself and my career. And it's not like I'll be gone for long stretches of time." He ran a hand through his hair, his agitation evident. "I just don't understand why you're in such a rush to go back to work. Emilia needs you." Tears welled up in my eyes as his words cut deeper than I expected. "I know she needs me, Alex. But I also need to find a sense of normalcy and purpose again. I want to be a good mother and a dedicated employee. Is that so wrong?" "Can we just give it some time? Think about it again.. and well, talk about it another time?" I nodded, and we changed the topic, but it stayed on my mind. After the tense conversation about my desire to go back to work, I could feel the tension lingering in the air between Alex and me. A few days later, we found ourselves in the living room, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken words. I knew I had to address the topic again, even if it meant facing his anger. "Alex," I began hesitantly, "we need to talk about this whole work situation." He glanced up from his book, his jaw tense. "Fine, let's talk." I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice steady. "I understand your concerns, but I can't ignore my own aspirations and the need to contribute financially. Going back to work doesn't mean I don't want to be a responsible parent." He slammed his book shut and turned to face me, his eyes blazing with frustration. "You know what, Liz? It feels like you're just trying to escape from your responsibilities as a mother. Like you don't want to deal with the real challenges of raising a child." His words hit me like a punch in the gut. I felt a mix of anger and hurt rising within me. "That's not fair, Alex. I love Emilia more than anything, and I'll always prioritise her well-being. But I also have dreams and ambitions that I can't just give up." He scoffed, his frustration evident. "So what, your dreams are more important than being there for our daughter?" I took a step closer, my own frustration growing. "No, Alex, it's not about that. It's about finding a balance—about being able to pursue my passions while still being a dedicated mother. Just like you have your job, I need something that's for me." He stood up abruptly, his face red with anger. "I can't believe you're putting your career ahead of our family." I could feel tears stinging my eyes, a mix of sadness and anger consuming me. "I'm not putting anything ahead of our family. I'm trying to find a way to make everything work, to be a good mother, and still have a sense of identity outside of that." He shook his head, his frustration evident. "I just thought you understood how important it is to be there for Emilia." I felt a surge of anger rising within me, and my voice got louder. "I am there for her! Just because I want to go back to work doesn't mean I won't be a good mother. And if you can't see that, then maybe you need to reevaluate your own priorities." The room was filled with a heavy silence, both of us seething with anger and hurt. It was clear that this conversation had taken a sharp turn, leaving us both feeling wounded. As the silence stretched on, I realised that the challenges of parenthood weren't just about taking care of a child but also about navigating the complexities of our own desires and expectations.