confusion

8/14/23

dear ◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️,

oh
my
god.

when i woke up yesterday morning, that was not how i expected my day to go.

my mother informed me before breakfast that i had been invited to a pool party at your house. the last one in march flopped, so i was re-invited yesterday, since the weather was more agreeable for swimming.

i was excited, of course, to see you. i also hadn't had a proper pool day in a while, so this was a good break for me.

after a small argument with my mom, i was finally allowed to go. she wanted me to go to a religious gathering instead, but she finally agreed.

so i spent the entire morning waxing my legs. and let me tell you, it is such a pain in the ass to do it. it doesn't even hurt that much anymore. it just takes too much time; time that i could be using to do something more productive.

but i did that, and i wore my new swimsuit. when i got to your house, only your parents and your dog really greeted me. you both, and the other two kids were too busy playing in the pool already.

so i jumped in with you guys, and in those next three hours, i made a lot of good memories.

but here's my favorite part:

after we came out of the pool, i grabbed my water bottle and opened it. you stuck your hand out, asking for the water, saying that you were thirsty, and please. i had already started drinking from it, but i rolled my eyes, gave it to you, and told you to waterfall.

i really hope you did waterfall.

well, i wouldn't have had a problem with it if you didn't, but still.

the worst part was that you knew what you were doing. i saw your smug face before you drank that water. and you even finished almost all of it!

anyhow, that's the closest i've ever gotten to kissing someone.

but most importantly, we were texting just earlier, and you were definitely flirting. i returned the energy, because i thought it was just you being your naturally flirtatious self.

but of course, you once again asked me what i would do if you kissed me.

i told you not to ask me things you didn't mean. and you said that you wouldn't have been opposed to it. and immediately i was confused. that's not what you said a week ago, when you rejected me.

then...

you smug bastard.

then you told me that you only said you didn't want to be in a relationship, not that you didn't like me.

???!!!

then i asked you upfront, "so do you like me?"

and you said maybe, and that you didn't know.

okay, maybe you're figuring things out. i can respect that. but don't flirt with me or tell me anything until you're sure, because you're giving me HOPE.

it's crushed me a lot of times. it's really hurt me. and i need you to stop. because otherwise, i'll never be able to move the fuck on.

but now i'm holding on to this hope again.

and it's your fault.

until we meet again,

- ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

(P.S. i'm looking forward to our not-date this saturday.)