Making all the wrong choices they ever had,
to end up being Royally Trapped.
• • •
❛ Why are you acting this way? ❜
❛ I feel infuriated.❜
❛ And why is that so? ❜
❛ Because I can't figure out if I should scream at you or have you screaming for me.❜
•...
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━━━━━━━❅━━━━━━━ n o o r ━━━━━━━❅━━━━━━━
"You look hot, di."
My eyes snap at Prerna who seems to enjoy this family reunion I never planned and wished for. My father angrily snaps at her, telling her to be quiet. She stifles her smile, taking a step back to join my cousins.
Kabir, who is standing next to me is appalled, I notice his grandfather frowning at first but then his lips morph into a smile, he surely must be rejoicing in his heart at my grand identity reveal. My mother, who is still caressing my face, still eyes me so lovingly.. it hurts my soul.
I just smile at her, blinking my eyes, trying to convey about well-being.
It's not that I have no contact with my family, it's just they haven't seen me in four years. I talk to my mom and my siblings every day, we video call and spend hours talking but it's been four whole years since I hugged my Ma, in person. Four long years but necessary years.
She is the soul of my being, the only reason I still remember my home which was no less than a boarding school. My father, well he is another story. He and I never agreed on anything, his beliefs are different from mine and our ideologies are contrasting. He is the sky and I, am the water. We might have the same colour, reflecting each other, but we can never meet. We are two parallel lines that might care for each other but will never be able to come to a common solution.
It's not that I hate him, even though we speak on calls once a week, but all our conversations end with him telling me that I should come back not because he misses me, but cause he thinks I will fail. That I am failing.
He doesn't shy away from expressing his disappointment for the choices I have made, when I was twenty-two, I decided to pack my bags and move cities, far from public scrutiny.
It was a choice he didn't support and still doesn't. But for me, that decision brought me a freedom, I never imagined for myself.
My home, my family have stern notions when it comes to living a life, you are a royal—you have to be neat, you have to wake up early, sleep early, dress properly, eat properly, speak less or don't speak at all, smile at people, be polite, be punctual, be this and be that. It was more of a hostel with so many rules than home.
It had suffocated me and made me feel trapped with my hands and legs bound. I never truly felt myself while I lived there, today, I live my own life, on my terms.
I can be messy and clumsy and irresponsible and outspoken and needy and talk and fight without thinking twice. I am allowed to unapologetically be myself. I deserve the life I want to live.
