JENNIE
My world becomes black for a moment.
Walking down the street in a daze, swollen gray clouds hover over me, and a car horn blares when I almost stumble in front of it.
This can't possibly be real.
It can't...How did my life suddenly implode?
I look up, staring at the ashen sky.
Lisa. Gone. My job. Gone.
My eyes stinging beyond belief at the realization. Having never been fired before, I'm not sure of the exact protocol, but one thing's for sure, I won't be going back. Still, my work ethic and motivation were always the one thing I could count on to pull me through tough times. Take that away, and I'm just an empty shell with no purpose. I know I can get another job, but right now, it feels like a body blow.
Raindrops start mingling with tears, and I sob, strange sounds coming out of me as I skid along the pavement in my rubber-soled shoes. Some people give me a wide berth, others ram straight into me. But I am so numb, disembodied. I don't even clock their abuse.
Down at the subway station, a large hand yanks me through the doors before I am crushed to death, and frankly, it's a mystery how I get home in one piece, but I do.
Hot salty tears continue to pour out of me as I hide Lisa's flowers in the bath. Out of sight, out of mind. Then I hurl myself on my bed and soak my pillow.
I see a missed call from Lisa on my phone, maybe two, but to be honest, I'm so sad, so angry. She is the absolute last person I want to talk to. Especially when she looked like the world's freaking happiest person this morning. Such a stark contrast to my current state that I can't help but hate her a little bit.
I get that she was happy to be leaving but San Francisco? All those recent side trips shrouded in secrecy. Of course, now it makes sense. She was setting up her new life that didn't involve me. Did she just string me along the entire time? Why didn't she tell me? Did she know I was getting fired?
My head is a total muddle of thoughts and emotions.
I roll over, clutching my pillow, and cry because all I want to do right now is pass out and sleep off this nightmare.
◆◆◆
The blue sky does little to coax me out of bed the following day. Strangely, neither does a hot cup of coffee. I am broken. I'm in such a fug that when I try to stand, I just end up collapsing back down. I try to read a book, but words keep slipping like they're falling off the page. It's impossible. Trying to concentrate on anything right now except how shitty I feel.
Drawing my blinds, my room plunges into a gloominess that matches my heart. Hello, darkness. It's been a while. The self-pity is crippling.
I doze in and out of consciousness, losing all sense of time. I only get out of bed to pee and to feed on sugar. I might also check on my flowers in the bath.
All I know is that when I eventually wake, I'm scratchy-eyed and miserable. Candy wrappers all over me and under my duvet.
I'm prying my eyes open with my fingers when there's a knock at my door. "Enter at your own peril."
The door opens, and I shield my eyes from the light. "Hey, hey -" Rosie startles. Her nose is sunburned, and she's wearing a coral necklace. "Holy crap! When was the last time you brushed your hair?"
"Huh?" I reach up and pat my head. My hair is like a pile of hay. "Oh, right... What day is it?"
"Monday."
