Dheere Se Kho Gaye!

[25]

Ishi's POV

I don't know why but whatever I try to do in my life proves that I'm a failure. After dad, I tried to become my mother's favourite but failed. I tried to excel in my education, my career but failed. I tried to save my relationship with Shrinkhal and it is another big failure slap on my face.

I am tired now.

I don't know what will happen next.

Just a few days before, Shrinkhal told me everything he had been feeling from past one and a half year and I couldn't even realise that he's going through a lot and I feel so miserable for not helping him out. All of these emotions are just pointing out on my self-esteem. Am I good enough to give my shoulder for him to lean on?

I am pretty much a pity case in every situation and even now he was just worried about me. Is it even right? He never told me about Ankita and I don't understand, why? Why he couldn't tell me before?

Am I not the right one to tell? Am I even close to him? Does he truly loves me? Am I capable enough to love him and accept his flaws too? Will we keep hurting eachother back and forth in order to heal ourselves?

Right in the moment, I couldn't feel anything when he was telling me about his situation. I trust Shrinkhal that he'd never cheat me but whatever I heard did break my heart. Was I really needed to put in more efforts? Am I too fragile or our love is not strong enough?

I was in million pieces already trying to solve the big puzzle I am and my emotions are. I am not ready for another piercing feeling. I couldn't talk to Shrinkhal because I didn't know what to do or say.

I was so confused but I knew I will see the right path and I did. I gave myself proper time to digest everything and think straight. This is going to affect every life that has been involved in our relationship.

I was sitting by the window mindlessly watching the nature, all lost. I couldn't realise when Shrinkhal came and sat infront of me, waiting for me to look at him. I sensed him but my mind wasn't ready to do so. I looked at him as his dark eyes were on me, trying to read me.

That's impossible!

I took a deep breath, inhaling the mild grassy smell after rain and leaned closer to him. He was still and I couldn't know if he was even breathing. Gently wrapped my arms around his neck and rested myself onto him. He held me by my waist and pulled me all in. I sat over his lap with my overflooded emotions.

I don't know what happened but something heavy felt in my gut and silently sobbed near his right ear. His breathing was steady and I almost felt as if he was getting cold. I tightened my grip, I just want things to get back to normal. I can't take it anymore, I am just tired.

He slowly tried to calm my hiccups down, "Relax, Ishi! I am here with you. For you. Don't hurt yourself. I don't care about anything or anyone. I just know one thing -- my heart, my body, my mind, my everything belongs to you and nobody can ever replace you. Hurting eachother is a process too for knowing ourselves better and I am sure that this wasn't intentional. I wasn't myself and in the right state of mind. How could I have told you everything?"

"I understand!'

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hm?"

"Do you love me?"

"I never stopped loving you, Sri."

Right in that moment, I was being brutally honest and I had no other choice but to speak the truth.

"Do you want to be with me?"

"I want to."

I desperately want him to be with me. I am at this point of my life that if not him then there is going to be no one else. I can never do this again with anyone else again. These efforts, emotions, mental strength and everything was given to this relationship is never going to happen for anyone else again.

"I am sorry Sinku for everything. I just wish ke tum mujhe bata paate sab Bina kisi Darr se. I wish main tumhe aur behtar tarike se samjh paati, Jaan paati."

"Nahi Ish! Tumse better I don't think so koi better janta bhi hoga ya kabhi Jaan payega. You're my everything and I can't afford to loose you."

"Par hum dheere dheere se toh kho hi Gaye na? Na chahate hue bhi?"

My gaze glued outside of the window as I still sit in his lap just holding him tight and never letting go. He held my face in his hands and joined his forehead with mine. Brushing it off with a soft kiss and hugging me again.

"What if Ankita tries to mess with again?" I asked.

"I will simply kill her. I won't even hesitate. All I care about is you."

I had a strong guy feeling that everything is going to be okay. I will make everything alright.

Shrinkhal's POV

I was holding Ishi like a little baby in my lap. I never thought Ishi would self-doubt herself rather accusing me of cheating her and threaten me to leave. I guess I was all wrong about her. I never wish to make her feel so bad.

She's the only person I truly love and I just want things to go right for us. I am selfishly happy too that Ishi isn't going to leave and go away from me. But I also don't want her to feel miserable.

I kissed her forehead and tilted her face to look into her eyes, "I know, I have failed us but give me another chance to make things right. I swear I can make it right. And I will make everything alright. Just promise to never leave me?"

She blinked furiously and nodded gently while giving me a faded smile. All this mess is surely hurting us but no matter what we will be together again and we will always be by eachother's side. I kept holding her, running my fingers through her dark thick hair until she felt asleep in my arms.

I hope that everything will be alright again.

~~~

A/N: I know I know I am super late for updating the book but I had been very busy with work load and other stuff and currently I have viral fever. Hopefully, I'll be fine soon and I heard Sinku's new single and I'm crying 😭 that's so good. Oh man! I kinda had a feeling that he might have read this story and get inspired although I don't know. He already had his idea and we kind of projected the same thing. Anyways, it was really good. See you soon kids ❤️‍🩹✨