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Chapter 15-4

Audrey

  She took a quick shower to get rid of the smell of milk. She couldn't believe how humiliated she was today. Good thing for her she skipped through most of it. She just put on her music and coasted through the day. But still, Emma has made it clear time and time again that she wasn't wanted or liked. Tears fell from her eyes but more than sad tears—angry tears. What did she ever do to Emma but try to be friends with her?

  After the shower, she started washing clothes. The weather was colder lately and she didn't want to go to school without her favorite cardigan. As she dug through her hamper, she found her old green cardigan. She hadn't washed it since October. The one Natalie gifted her just replaced it.

  She held it in her hands and reminisced about it. Thought about how it was once her cardigan of choice. She knew it was silly but she felt bad for it. Felt like the cardigan felt betrayed that it was no longer number one. Guilt clouded her consciousness and she decided she would take turns wearing both cardigans. She tossed it in the wash and went along her merry way.

  In the kitchen, her mother was preparing dinner. She didn't respond to Audrey's presence. A pang shot through Audrey's heart at that moment. She hated feeling this much tension in general but it was always worse when it was with family. Asking her for permission to a party she didn't really want to go to was going to be a pain.

  "Need help mama?" she asked, meekly.

  Her mother was dicing onions. Each chop—loud as her knife hit the cutting board.

  "No, it's okay honey," she said very passive-aggressively.

  "Are you upset?" Audrey asked.

  The loud chops on the cutting board continued. "Not at all, why?"

  Things didn't seem off to a good start. Normally she would wait for her Dad to get home so she could ask him but deep in her heart, she felt she needed to talk to her mom first. "I was just making sure," she said. "I was wondering if it would be okay if I went to a party on Friday with Natalie?"

  "How nice that you can make time for friends but not family."

  "What?" Audrey asked. That hurt her. Offended her. Why would her mother say something like that?

  "No," her mom said. her voice was stern and emotionless. "You can't go."

  It maddened Audrey to have her mother act this way. Things were already uncomfortable with her so she decided to just ask—plain and simple—what her problem was. But that's not what she said. She wasn't brave enough to confront her mother that way. Instead, what came out was a shaky apology.

  "I'm sorry I couldn't go to Colorado Mama."

  "Audie!" Her mom stopped what she was doing with a smack to the counter. "If you keep bringing it up I'm going to be mad."

  "Mom, I just need you to understand why I need to stay," Audrey said. Her voice was starting to break. She hated her mom yelling at her but she couldn't back down. She took a deep breath. "Why I need to do this."

  Her mom finally turned to face her. Her eyes were puffy and red. "You need to be with family. It's Christmas."

  "I've spent my whole life with you! You guys are literally my best friends, even Gabriel!"

  "Why can't it stay that way!" her mother began to cry. "You're hardly home, you don't read your books as much, and you fight more with Gabriel. This trip was supposed to change that!"

  Seeing her mother cry gave her permission to let go too. Her mom wiped her eyes with the top of her wrist.

  "You used to always love being with me, never liked doing anything but being home and one day I wake up, and you're a different person," she said.

  "I still am the same person." Audrey stepped closer and placed a hand on the counter. "And that's the problem, Mom. I'm not happy with myself. I look in the mirror and I see a nobody. Someone people will forget. Like I'm never going to amount to anything."  It was hard for her to speak through her sobs.

  She wiped her nose and breathed slowly. Her mom grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

  "With my new friends, I finally feel like someone. Like people can see me."

  Her mom pulled her into a hug and held her tight. Her hand rubbed the back of Audrey's head. "You were always someone my sweet Audie." She gave her a big smooch on the top of her head.

  "Not the way I was living, mama."

  "Who said? Natalie?" she asked. She pulled Audrey away to see her.

  "What? No, it's just how I feel."

  "Audie." She sniffled a bit but seemed to regain control of her voice. "I want you to know that there's no right or wrong way to grow up. Don't feel pressured to fit in somewhere you feel you don't want to be."

  Audrey looked away from her mother's eyes that moment. "I don't, I just want to be someone I can feel happy being."

  "Okay Honey," her mom said. She wiped Audrey's tears away with her thumb as she held her cheeks in her palms. "I understand. I just want you to never change your heart, and know that I'm proud of the woman you're growing up to be."

  There was a gleam in her mom's eye as she smiled at her. Audrey pulled her in for another hug.

  "I promise mama."

    After what seemed like a minute of hugging and resolution to an argument, Audrey asked her mom, "So, can I still go Friday?"

  "Only if you can get a ride from Nartalies mom, I'm taking Gabriel and Kitty Christmas shopping. Don't forget to pick out a gift for Gabriel and Kitty."

  The sound of Gabriel clearing his throat caught their attention. He was standing there with Kitty behind his back. She seemed distraught. "Is everything okay?" He asked.

  "Yes, Sorry. Audie and I were just talking." She held Audie close to her side. "Everything's okay now."

Authors Note
Heyo! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm sick right now so I don't have much to say!
What did you like about this chapter so far? And what are you looking forward to?

Editors
Elem
naomi14
Eric_Authority

Next chapter
Natalie and Jacob wait for Audrey to arrive so they can go to the party. Audrey is anxious about the whole idea. Why would Emma all of a sudden want her there?