Reckless

Eighteen

*Lil*

I moved back across to the goal, picking up the 4 pucks I'd hit into the goal and moving them back to where I had been stood for the past 10 minutes. Sometimes you just need to launch a 6 ounce piece of rubber across the ice into net for your head to clear up a little. Not completely. Just enough that I don't feel on the verge of tears now. 

This wasn't how uni was supposed to go. If you take all the complications out of it, Ben and Theo that is, that was the uni I'd built up in my head. Ice, friends, drinking, coursework and a few dates when I could squeeze them in. But so far, every time I feel like I've got a grip on it, it changes. 

I had a grip on it with my first date with Bailey and then Theo fucked it up. I had it down with the ice and then Ben showed up. 

The lights flicked on but I didn't flinch. I wasn't stupid. I knew Theo was going to show up. Either him or Owen. Or the police. 

I wasn't being stupid. I knew what I was doing out here and it's not like the pucks are flying at me. I'm the ones hitting them. I'm not going to get hurt unless I'm skating around and jumping or whatever and I'm not dressed for that right now. I just need to think. Clearly. 

I hit another, watching as it slammed into the back of the net. 

"I told you to put the lights on Love." His skates scratched across the ice, stopping a few feet away as I lined up and took another shot. 

"You shouldn't be here." 

"Neither should you." Another shot. "You're good at this." I scoffed, moving to retrieve the pucks from the back of the net.

"Have you even met Owen? Or my parents? Get me the right skates and I could hold my own on the rink with you guys this weekend." 

"I don't believe you." I turned to face him. Dark black ripped jeans and an oversized black hoodie contrasting so much against the bright lights and the white of the ice. Theo held onto what I'm guessing was his own stick. "Are you coming to the game on Sunday?" 

"I was thinking about it but I don't know. I could do with getting some more practice in." 

"It'd be nice to know you're there Lil." He moved a little closer. Theo has this kind of magnetic drag to him. Like no matter what I do I'm always being pulled to him a little bit at a time and whenever I try to pull back he goes all soft and sweet and I forget that I literally don't mean a thing to him. I'm just some other girl he locked his fascination on for a few weeks. He'd get over it eventually and I couldn't allow myself to become transfixed on him knowing that. 

I blinked at him. Not sure exactly what he wanted me to say. His ice blue eyes looked back at me, holding something a lot deeper than it had 2 weeks ago when I was drunkenly ranting at him about not being his last choice anymore. I think I'd said that more to draw a line than anything. Maybe as a deep reminder of the kind of guy he was. Letting him know I was onto his stupid game and I wasn't falling for it like everyone else did. 

"I'd be there for my brother, not you." He sighed and stepped forward again. I lifted the hockey stick, putting it against his chest so he was forced to keep his distance. "Stop it." 

"Stop what?" 

"Stop trying to get closer. I know what you're doing Theo. I'm not stupid. Kiss me until I forget what we're talking about. There's no one else here so probably try to take it further. I'm done with this shit. The back and forth. I can't keep doing it." He wrapped his hand around the stick, quickly pulling on it so I slid into his chest, throwing both sticks to the floor. "Theo-" 

"I'm a prick. I know. I've been treating you like every other girl I've touched like I've touched you." I pushed back on his chest but he held me tighter, one hand spreading out over my back to claim the space as his own. He's so warm. Like every drop of heat coming from him is exactly what I've needed, my entire life. "The difference between them and you Lilah is I want so much more from you than just that. I have gotten so wound up over knowing someone else has bought a girl flowers, or by seeing another guy about to kiss you. The idea that anyone else is touching you makes my blood boil and I have never had that before. I have never wanted just a 5 word text from someone so badly in my life. Just, anything. I have never craved someone's attention like I crave yours Lilah and it's driving me mad. I've tried to get over whatever the fuck you've done to me but I can't and you're just burning into my brain and I can't move it." 

"Nice speech. Got it memorized from the last time you told it to someone or is there a guy stood behind me with cue car-" He kissed me. Cutting me off before I could finish my sentence and despite seething about the interruptions, the difference in this kiss to ones he'd given me before made me melt. It was so much softer than before. Not delicate. Not so gentle I could barely feel him. He was there. His lips pushing against mine. There was no doubt. But it wasn't demanding I open my mouth it wasn't searching for more, he wasn't asking for anything other having him pressed against me. 

Then it started building. As our breathing deepened and the air between us seemed to collapse in on us. I wrapped my hands into his hoodie, pulling him ever closer with a relaxing sigh escaping my nose. 

Theo grunted slightly, dropping his hands from my back to grab my thighs, pulling me up and around his waist. 

"Theo-" 

"Lil. Please. I need to give you this. I need to show you I'm serious."