Reckless

Forty

*Theo*

 I'm covering her entirely. Smothering her tiny little frame so there's not an inch of me not touching her. I've waited so fucking long for this there's not a chance I'm letting her go a second earlier than I absolutely have to. I know I'm going to be making it up to Lil for the rest of our lives. I know and I don't care. I'm taking every scream that I have no doubt is going to come at me today. She's going to be so mad, now that it's had time to settle in. When she wakes up in my arms and not fucking Carter's. I'm expecting her to freak out and get out the anger she was too sad to let out last night. I could see it on her face all day. Just like I could see it on her in that bar in May. Something had to have been terrible for her to be alone in a bar out there.

I'm glad she was there though. Rather than somewhere else. She wandered into the bar I was in and I needed her to know, no matter what it was, she wasn't alone. Sending that shot over was probably not the best idea but if I'd have gone up there she'd have shut me out, knowing Lil, probably had me removed from the bar and had someone come meet her so she didn't need to speak to me. I'd spent 3 months picturing her crying that night. I hate nothing more than watching this girl cry. Nothing. Give me terrible matches, give me my mother screaming at me, give me her happy with someone else. But watching her cry? I can't do it.

She shifted in her spot, breathing deepening and I knew she was awake. I pressed kisses along her shoulders slowly, wishing she'd go back to sleep, I needed more time. I need more time with her this close because the second she leaves I'm going to break all over again. I want her happy. I want her happy, in my arms where I know she's safe and unharmed and I won't hurt her again because fuck me what an absolute dickhead I was. To have Lilah Price tell me she loves me and then just walk away like I didn't feel the same? Idiot.

"Morning Love." I whispered against her skin, her whole body stopping. I don't even think she was breathing right now. Panic was setting in. "It's just me Lil."

"Let me go." She drove the knife right into my chest.

"I need you to just breathe a second Lil." She shook her head and I loosened my grip on her, watching as she climbed out of the bed, quickly grabbing something from the wardrobe and pulling it over her body. Don't smile Theo. Smiling at her keeping that damn hoodie after all this time isn't going to help anything right now.

"You- you shouldn't be here." Lil bent down and tossed my clothes at me. "Get dressed, you have- you have to go." She muttered something under her breath. Swear words and insults toward herself that twisted the knife still embedded in me. She can stick me with hundreds of them. Let me bleed out at her feet if it makes her better. If her hurting me makes everything better, I'll let her. If she needs to ruin me more than she already has, I'll stand here like a paper doll and let her shred me to pieces.

"I'll put my clothes on Lil but I'm not leaving. We need to talk this out."

"Talk what out? A one night stand? There's nothing to talk out. There- fuck Lilah. You're so fucking stupid. Leave." She pushed the bathroom door closed but not locking it. I give her a minute, pulling my underwear and then suit pants back on before slowly walking to the door and knocking before opening it up. "I told you-"

"I know what you told me." She sat on the edge of the bathtub looking up at me like her whole world was collapsing and she was trying to pull it together as best as she could. She looked at home with it though. Almost as if it was buried so deep into her bones she'd been doing it for a long time. Holding herself together so she doesn't completely collapse. "But I also told you that I'm not stupid enough to lose you twice and that we'd make this work. I can't make it work if I just leave right now."

"Fine. I'll call Owen."

"Call him. Tell him everything, I honestly couldn't care less Lil." I pushed the door open with my foot, leaning against the frame on my shoulder. "Gonna tell me what's going on in your head?"

"No." I shrugged.

"Okay." I'll stand here all day. If that's what it takes, I'll do it. It doesn't take all day though. It takes all of 2 minutes of me watching her, in the silence. I knew it was making her uncomfortable. But I'd told her what I needed to say last night. Now it was her turn.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Staying. Lying to me all over again about all the things you're going to do. Talking about a future that doesn't exist."

"Why doesn't it exist?"

"I'm not doing this- Us. It can't- it- no. It was one night. We had a fling, years ago and this was just one- one drunken night that won't happen again."

"A fling?" She looked up, stood up, tugged the hoodie down on her thighs slightly. "We weren't a fling Lil."

"Yes. Yeah we were. It wasn't anything. It was just stupid and reckless and it didn't- it didn't mean anything."

"Okay, now look at me and say that again whilst bearing in mind that hoodie your wearing is the one I gave you after the first time we had sex." She looked down, immediately going bright red and I knew for a fact she was cursing herself for not grabbing literally anything else in that room to wear. "You can't can you?"

"What?"

"You can't look at me, knowing what you're wearing, what we were. You can't look at me and tell me it was a fling that meant nothing." She opened her mouth to say something when a knock at the door cut her off.