Reckless

Thirty One

*Lil*

"Sit still Lil."

"You're lacing them wrong."

"I am not."

"Yeah. You are. You don't lace my skates like you do yours. Let me-"

"You even think about leaning down here to do this yourself and I swear to god, I'll throw you over my shoulder and carry you back to the car and make you sit in there." He smiled innocently. I hate that. That he knows me this well. I could play that I would rather hate being out here but it would be no use with him. He knows I love the cold and the snow too much. He knows I'd rather sit out here with a cold arse and red nose than be inside his car not matter how fun that would most likely be. "There. Laced." I looked down at the mess of a bow he'd tied on my ankle.

"I'm gonna have to teach you how to do that properly because I am not skating around looking like that."

"Well, you're not doing it now. Come on." Carter grabbed my hand, helping me carefully onto the temporary ice rink in the middle of town. It wasn't exactly packed but there was at least 20 other couples all on here doing the same thing. The odd family group teaching their toddler to move by themselves on the ice. The tent over the space was covered in golden fairy lights, draping down at one of the open ends like a wall. "I'm setting some ground rules."

"For what?"

"For us on the ice right now." Carter pushed his fingers between mine, tugging me slightly. "Nothing but skating in a slow simple circle. No turning, no jumps, no spins. Nothing fancy."

"Weird rule."

"Mhm. But I know you. I know that's all you're thinking about right now isn't it?"

"No.."

"Liar." I looked down at my feet on the ice. "You need to enjoy being out here for once Lil. Without thinking about work. You can take some time off. Relax a little. I know you're worried about next month and the try outs, but you'll be okay. No matter what happens. You'll have other chances. You'll only be 19 once."

"They don't hold opens that often Carter."

"And do you think you getting yourself worked up over if you're going to get the spot or not is going to help anything? Is it going to make you turn that bit faster? Jump higher? And that extra turn on a jump?" Carter pulled me in front of him wrapping our interlocked fingers around me until I was hugging myself with his arms. "Why'd you start skating Lil?"

"Because I wanted to be like you and Owen but hated hockey."

"Because you saw us having fun on the ice right?" I nodded. "So, what part of you is having fun with skating at the moment?"

"I am." I laid my tired head backwards against him. "I have fun out there."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. When I get something right. It makes me so proud of myself. It takes so much time just to get one jump right. So many falls and cuts and blood and bruises. But when I get it right and I keep getting it right, it's worth every second. Getting a program right for the first time without any slips or missing a mark. Spinning is so much fun when I come out a little dizzy but I just keep moving through it. Leaves my head all fuzzy."

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Not when you're telling me to close my eyes." Carted pulled on my hands, spinning me to face him in a swift, single movement. He didn't stop skating either. Just kept going like it was nothing and honestly, if I didn't know he hated seeing me hurt, I'd be going ballistic at how stupid he was being with all the sudden moves I wasn't ready for.

"Fine. Don't close them." He shrugged a shoulder, pushed on my back until I was flush with him. "You're going to get there eventually Lil. If not this year then whenever the next opening is. And until then you keep working. You get better and stronger and keep that determined head on your shoulders. Stop worrying about something you have absolutely no control over."

"But I can control it Carter."

"No, you can't Lilah. You can't control if you step out the front door tomorrow and fall down the stairs or if you're practicing and your knee decides thens the perfect time to give in or if you slip in the shower. You can't control anything babe. Not when it comes to this. What you can control, is making sure you're not killing yourself by over working. Eventually, you'll be too old to skate Lil. You can't wait to live until then. You can't go your whole life dedicated to the ice and nothing else." I sighed, rolling my eyes at him slightly. I don't understand where this lecture came from but I'm guessing Owen had mentioned to him about how much I've been skating recently, how I've been skipping parties and dinner with him and everything else just so I could be out there.

"Everything's easier out here."

"What is?"

"Life. It's not what I was expecting. When I'm out here I have to focus on just the ice. I can forget about everything that's not me or the music or the next move and what I need to do to get it right. It's so busy up here recently I need the break from my own mind and it's either skate or drink until I pass out and skating is so much healthier than drinking myself to death."

"Not if you skate yourself to death Cupcake." He waited a few seconds. "Why's your mind busy?"

"Just everything."

"With him?" I nodded. "What happened?"

"I don't think me unloading what happened with him is exactly first date conversation material. In fact-" I half laughed, wanting to lighten the atmosphere away from this mess. Block it out. "I don't think any of this is. So, let's talk about you Mr soon to be graduate. What are you doing next year?"

"If you make the team are you staying in Montrose?"

"Until I graduate in a few years year. Then I'd probably end up over in Kredrith." He nodded slowly. "Stop avoiding telling me your plans Carter. Grace said you'd had some offers and you were waiting to decide but had to make a decision before New Years. Have you decided?"

"I think so."

"You think? Sounds indecisive to me. What are the options? Weigh them up. Are they far from each other?"

"No."

"Okay. Are they far from here?"

"Not really." I scrunched my face at him. "They're very different. One's a coaching space and ones IHL."

"Oh..."

"The coaching space is easier to fit around any other schedules I might need to. It's essentially like 6 hours a day Monday to Friday. Guaranteed permanent career wherever I want to relocate to in the future. Whereas IHL it'd be harder to move about. Schedule and home games could vary a lot. But-"

"IHL is what you always wanted Carter." He nodded slowly. "So why are you considering not doing it? Skipping to coaching?"

"Because when you make the team I want to be there and it's a hell of a lot easier with coaching."

"Wait-"

"It'd be easier when you move to Kredrith too. I mean I have an offer from them but I'd be across the country for 2 years so it's not really an option I'm considering. Not when the Sliders have offered me a spot-"

"You're coming to Montrose?"

"Either way yeah. Sliders or as MTU's coach." I looked up at his rosy cheeks not quite sure I understood anything. "Either way Lil. I want to be closer to you. I'm still a little pissed you left when you did. I only chose to go to school here because you and Ben had planned to stay and made your whole future go from here. Otherwise, I'd have been over in Montrose already."

"Did you hit my head?"

"No. Why?"

"Because you've gone mad."

"Cupcake, you've been driving me mad for years. Join me will you?"