Lars and Sadie

Chapter Eighteen

Sadie's POV

I wait, sitting on the bed, staring at the wall. There's nothing going through my mind, I'm just processing in my heart what Jenny just dropped in front of me.

How could he have said all that about me?

And more?

Suddenly, the front door is thrown open, Lars comes crashing in. But, I don't budge. I doubt I can ever move again. There's silence downstairs, and for a split second I worry about him, but then I go back to staring off in to space. The door is then closed, and I hear heavy foot steps coming up the stairs. As they get closer, I'm able to hear heavy breathing too. Then, the door is opened. I turn, and Lars is a sweaty mess. His hair is wet at the roots from all the sweat he was accumulating. He doesn't speak yet, still breathless. And I don't dare speak first. He leans against the door frame, trying his hardest to catch his breath.

"Did..." He says, gulping for air. "Jenny..." I nod, wanting him to be able to breath before I tear him a new asshole. He nods, admitting defeat. "Look...Sadie..." He wipes his hair back, in a slick sweaty mess. "I...wanted to tell you...I just...couldn't find the time." I still don't speak, and I go back to staring at the wall, trying to keep some composure. "Fuck I think I'm going to vomit," He mumbles to himself. He swallows aloud, bringing his attention back to me,
"Please...talk to me."
"I don't have anything to say to you." He groans, his breathing slowing down a bit. He takes a few steps in to the room, and I look at him again. "Did you have an idea on when you were going to tell me about your little tirade?" He waves his hands, signaling some sort of signal.
"Eventually,"
"Eventually?" He nods, taking in a deep breath through his nostrils. "I just..." I begin to finally feel the effects of what he said, my eyes starting to burn from the tears. "Can't believe you'd say all those nasty things."

"I know, I didn't even remember saying them until Jenny reminded me." I scoff, not seeing her in the best light right now. He finally makes it to the bed, and sits at the foot of it, keeping his distance from me. "Sadie...I just want you to know, I was bitter back then. Four years ago, I was a sad, bitter little kid. And this was my first major heart break. I was depressed, didn't know how to cope with losing you the way I did." I stay quiet, listening to his excuses. "Jenny, I mean, you knew I used to have a thing for her. So, in my drunken blindness I said a lot of gross things to her. That- by the way, I've already apologized to her for. But what I said about you, there's no excuse for that." As I continue my staring contest with the wall, I feel a wet hand touch mine. My body is frozen, I don't pull away.

"I'm sorry, from the deepest part of my soul, I'm so sorry Sadie." The tears start to fall down my cheeks. I don't want to budge on how I feel, I don't want to forgive him.

He deserves to hurt like I am hurting.

His grip tightens on my hand, shaking softly. He sniffles, beginning to cry as well. "I just, can't lose you again. Not this soon, I just got you back. Sadie, please." I continue to cry softly, not knowing what to do in this situation. Both of his hands now grasp my one. He plants wet kisses all over it, from his sweaty face and tears. My mouth begins to open, I'm fighting to find the words. "Please," he continues to beg, holding my hand against his forehead now.

"Lars," I begin to say, knowing what I want to tell him. Then, I look at him. His eyes, lips, nose. Every aspect of him draws in such a raw feeling. Love and admiration comes to the forefront of my brain, and I can't stop them. "I...need some time, okay?" His eyes continue to water, and I explain. "I'll be fine, I just need some space about it, okay?"
"But, do you forgive me?" I pause, not knowing what to say. I want to scream at him, curse him out. But all I do, is nod. Then, he pulls me to him, my head crashing in to his sweat soaked chest. "Thank you Sadie, thank you." I'm able to pull myself away, and he stands, beginning to take off his shirt.