Love AfFair (BOY×BOY)

Chapter 11: Cotton Candy

Did Carmen love Adam?

The simple answer would be 'Yes'. Of course he did. But, maybe not in that way. Adam was sweet, kind, funny. There for him. Carmen didn't even know what to think. He was just so sad, confused, hurt. And Adam was there, saying all the right things. All the things that Carmen had secretly wished Keith would say to him.

Plus, Carmen had more loyalty than that. What was he supposed to do? An eight year relationship devastatingly crumbles and the next day he jumps right back into another relationship?

That wasn't smart. That would just lead to more heartbreak. Plus, Carmen had been too busy being crippled and eaten away by his own guilt and betrayal. It was all just too much to take in all at once.

One moment, he's in a great relationship. With great friends. Becoming a tutor, befriending an endearingly pessimistic guy. Going to the fair, the beach, opening up.

The next moment, he's been kissed. Cheated on. Confessed to. Kissed again. Now, he had to deal with a break up.

He couldn't help but just lay there and wondered, what happened? Everything went sideways and now he was being hit at all angles.

Most importantly, why was this all happening? He didn't understand. This Liam guy... Looked and acted nothing like him. Absolutely nothing like him.

Was it him? Deep down, he knew he shouldn't have been blaming himself for the actions of a cheater. But, what was Keith thinking? Did Keith... Hate him?

Did Keith hate his jokes? So, that's why he joked around with Liam instead? Did Keith hate Carmen's body? So, he went for Liam's instead? It was all driving him insane.

In truth, he hated himself at the moment. Keith didn't love him anymore. He used Adam as a human comforter, and took his virginity all just because Carmen's own life was falling apart. Poor Adam... Pouring his heart out to someone so undeserving.

It wasn't fair on Adam. None of this was. Adam's going to graduate soon, he was going to have so many opportunities. What did Carmen have to offer? Baggage? Relationship trauma? Trust issues? And what? Pull Adam down into the tar pit that Carmen was sinking in?

Plus, what if his own feelings weren't even real? And he was just projecting onto Adam? Everything was so confusing right now. Feeling like he was being pushed, pulled, turned around, and hung upside down.

The only thought that just kept popping into his mind was just one thing.

'I wish Christian was here. He'd know what to do. What to say to me.'

Whenever Carmen was being dragged under, it was always Christian pulling him out. And after Christian, Keith took that place in his life. Now, who did he have? To complain about all of this to? Who would listen to him now?

When Christian died... Carmen thought, 'This is the worst thing to ever happen to me'. But, at least he had Keith to hold him at night when he cried or delivered flowers to his grave.

Now, he didn't even have that. Because, where was Keith right now? Out? Cheating on him with Liam? He thought that was the lonliest he had ever felt, but he was wrong. Now, he felt so completely and utterly alone. Not a shoulder to cry on.