Love AfFair (BOY×BOY)

Chapter 13: What A Man Would Do

(WARNING: 18+)

Immediately, immediately I made a move to stand up, though Carmen stopped me rather quickly.

"Before you say anything." He quickly interjected. Making his way over and sitting himself on the blanket beside me.

The brunette hugged his knees, looking over towards me and staring at me. Hearing his voice and seeing his face under the moonlight like this, it suddenly made three months of torture so insignificant.

"I just wanna say that... I am so sorry, Adam." Carmen said, his voice a bit wobbly as he looked at me. Shaking his head so softly I felt like I had died. "I am so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt anyone. But-" he sucked in a shaky breath, then cleared his throat. "But, I did. And I am so sorry, Adam. I just want you to know that I thought about you everyday. Everyday."

Hearing those words made the corners of my lips twitch up. I couldn't help but smile. This was everything I had ever wanted, happening right now infront of me. Even if Carmen had looked so torn right now. I felt so badly for him. It was just the fact that... He came to me. Is crying to me. Is telling me that he missed... me. That he thought about me everyday.

"But..." Carmen started. "I just couldn't stop thinking about how I wouldn't be good for you. And, not that I'm not a good person. Or anything." he continued. "I just... Don't think I would make a very good boyfriend. Right now." he admitted, turning his head to look away from me. Which stung.

"I just kept thinking about what would happen if somehow, someway I managed to lose you too. I just... I just don't think I would've been able to handle that." he whispered.

"And then I thought about what I was already doing to you." Carmen said, looking back over to me. "That I was pushing you away and how much I didn't want that. How much I didn't want you to leave but the fear- It just... It made me so protective of myself."

"I am so sorry." Carmen repeated.

I let out a shaky breath, staring at him and turning my body completely around. Sitting on my knees as I grabbed one of Carmen's ankles, making him turn over towards me with a gentle pull of his leg.

"Carmen... Wednesday is what keeps me going." I admitted to him, reaching both of my hands up to cup his face. Making him look at me, caressing his soft skin. Looking into that pretty, pretty face. No matter how sad it appeared.

I looked at him with a begging look in my eyes. "You don't get it. I have to have you in my life because I don't see my future any other way." I started, wiping a tear from his eye, then running my hands down along his arms. "I've never felt this way about anybody. And I'm in, I'm all in. Everyday." I said.

Carmen had a look of shock on his face, even if he was leaning into all my touches and caresses.

I continued. "Yell at me, push me. Cry your heart out to me. Cling to me. Pull me in, shut me out. But the one thing you can't do is break my heart. You can't break my heart." I said in a desperate tone to him, holding onto his wrists as I shook my head towards him.

"And if you left me, God... My heart would be so shattered." My hands were getting so shaky as I felt at his skin, sucking in a breath.

"You're my everyday. You can't take that away from me. You just can't." I whispered softly into his hand, lightly kissing his knuckles.