Bitter Steps to better life

Chapter 5: Action rather than speech.

In my second year, I was overjoyed to receive my first phone. I initially created a Facebook account. Despite not being addicted to social media, I thought the app was very interesting. That day, when I was sending them out to everyone, I made the mistake of sending a friend request to a boy who I thought was a classmate.

I enquired about his name and whether he attended the same institution. He concurred with that assertion. Later I realized that he was the incorrect person. When I told him about it, he pretended to be innocent and begged me not to end our friendship. It was only after a while that I realized he was a lusty boy. Despite my facebook addiction, I began to ignore him.

I talked to strangers and granted their requests in every case. In the social media universe, I was lost. I became so deeply addicted to it that I began going to bed at three every night.
Every day I would die from loneliness.

When I was cooking, the house and night were both quiet and peaceful. I was checking my messages while I was cooking alongside someone else. I came across one message request. When I looked at his profile, I noticed that he was too small. I agreed to talk with him after accepting his invitation. We started talking at seven in the evening. He inquired, "Are you married?" when I told him that I was cooking. "No," I replied. About my family and my upbringing, he inquired. I posed the same queries. When he learned that there were seven of us, he assumed that I was extremely lucky to have a large family that would fill my home with laughter and noise. He stated that his parents had just one son, him. I told him that if we don't live together, having a large family is useless. He stood out to me as distinct from other boys.

We both shared all of our thoughts and feelings with one another. By listening to his side of the story, I learned that he was not at all content with being the only child of his parents and that he yearned for someone to whom he could confide whenever he was having problems. I once believed that children living alone were fortunate individuals who could afford anything and everything, though occasionally they lacked our possessions. Unlike him, who has supportive parents but no one to listen to his feelings, I have a large family to listen to me. I could at least communicate my feelings to my siblings. Everybody's life is missing one aspect or another.

The lives of everyone are not ideal. My life felt as though a special someone had entered it. Every day, we both had longer conservations. Both of us thought of one another as actual siblings. I've had conversations before, but that one was the longest. After a few days, I realized that I was recovering from a stressful life.

When I was in my village, the Diwali holiday was approaching. I sent my friend numerous messages, all of which he ignored. I believed he had little regard for me. I told my other online friends, and they expressed some worry for me. I was upset because I had given this person more weight in my life and was being ignored by him. I gave up messaging him. My time to recharge had passed. I was without contact for a 12-day period. Many messages from my special friend were something I was anticipating. After my vacation, I went back to Goa and rested. I put the data on and waited for messages as my first action. I was shocked to find that there were no messages from him in my WhatsApp when I opened it.

My pain over this was only growing.
I'm not sure why I value our brief interactions so highly. I stopped valuing him and instead began valuing people who always praised and said nice things about me. I was cleaning up the house when my phone started to ring. It was Shivam whose name I ignored when I saw it on the screen. My heart began to beat slightly more quickly. I hesitated for a while, wallowing in the dilemma of whether or not to answer the call, but I couldn't bear to go another moment without speaking to him. He explained to me how his extended family had gathered at their home to celebrate the holidays. He made it abundantly clear that he loved his family above all else and that those were his most priceless moments. Following the call, my mind was constantly racing with questions and thoughts. No matter if it was his or mine. I was concerned about a few of these questions, but after a few days, I just let them go. After a few days, all of my online friends began to ignore me. For them, I would constantly waste time. People gradually stopped conversing with me. I was addicted to talking on the phone. I would occasionally stay awake for hours just so I could talk to them. I began to understand that we shouldn't let down by those who don't even value us.