Now and Then

Chapter 8

Dahil sa kagustuhan kong maipakita kay Theo ang totoong ugali ng babae na 'yon. Iniisip ko kung paano ko gagawin, paano ko ma t-trigger ang babae na 'yon para mailabas at makita mismo ni Theo yung 'tinatagong ugali' ng babae na 'yon.

Should I make her jealous? Pero how? In what aspect? Ang iisang alam ko lang naman ay gamitin si Theo mismo. Should I proceed with my plan?

Napabuntong hininga nalang ako at binuksan ang laptop ko. Hindi ko alamlL// kung paano mag sisimula.

Agad akong dumeretso sa twitter para istalk ang mga dating acc namin ni Theo nung kami pa. Stalking this acc brings back a lot of memories... Nung masaya pa kami.

Seeing all his tweets related from me, melts my heart in happiness and sadness. We we're so inlove.... The old us will get hurt if they knew na wala na tayo.

Ganon parin ang pic na nakalagay sa twitter n'ya picture parin namin nung first time namin mapayagan magsama for 2 months. Saglit lang but it feels like an eternity. Being with him makes me wish na sana mas humaba ang oras. I smiled bitterly. Damn I miss him.

Agad kong isinarado ang laptop ko, maiiyak nanaman ako eh. Fck! Ang sakit talaga. I miss my Theo so much, I miss him everyday. Naalala ko ang unang buwan na lumipas mula mung nag hiwalay kami.

-flashback-

I'm in a call with my friends, wala na kami ni Theo.. We broke up. We decided to grow apart because we feel like our relationship wouldn't work anymore. I know they'll be shocked kapag nalaman nila ito. Dahil ang relasyon namin ni Theo ang less expected nila na matatapos, bukod sa matagal kami, we we're so inlove so who would've thought na mag hihiwalay kami.

I cried my ass off while we're in a call, tahimik lang ang mga kaibigan ko, kapwa hindi alam ang sasabihin.

We both agree to broke up so why am I hurting so bad? It's our own will and desicion to break up.

How am I supposed to continue living my life without him? Paano ko itutuloy ang pamumuhay ko pang araw araw na wala s'ya kahit for a couple of years, nasanay akong andito s'ya. Nagigising ako na andito s'ya, natutulog akong andito s'ya. Paano ako mag sisimula ulit na wala s'ya?

He became my life... He became a part of me too.

We promised forever pero bakit ganito ang kinahantungan namin? Fuck!

-end of flashback-

I cried harder remembering everything. I promised to myself that I will wait for him. Pero ngayon na andito na, bigla akong naduduwag. Natatanga ako, pag dating talaga sakanya hindi ko alam kung paanong nagiging tanga ako na wala nanaman alam gawin kundi ang umiyak.

Theo is the reason why I'm in pain, but how funny and pathetic that he is also the cure of every pain I felt.

My life is so different with him and without him.

Now that we're close to each other. Should I take him back kagaya ng pinangako ko sa sarili ko? Should I make a move?

I'm scared..... Nakaya n'ya ang anim na taon na wala ako. I wonder if he also cry a river when I was gone.

With all that thought, nakatulog ako. I feel so tired kahit wala naman akong ginawa buong araw.

Kinabukasan sabado, napag desisyunan kong pumunta sa mall for myself. Nakalimutan ko na rin kasing asikasuhin ang sarili ko. I deserve a treat for being such a good fighter. I realized that no one can love you the way you love yourself, I want to love my self.

Hindi binuksan ko ang kwarto ni Ari at pansin kong tulog na tulog parin s'ya kaya nag iwan nalang ako ng note sa ref.

Agad din naman akong nakarating sa mall at naisipan kong dumeretso sa hair salon, I want to change my hair cut and my hair color. And so I did.